Effictio (ef-fik’-ti-o): A verbal depiction of someone’s body, often from head to toe.
“Five foot two, eyes of blue, has anybody seen my girl?” This quotation is from the famous serial killer Arthur Bundy, Ted’s younger brother. He used what’s quoted above to cover his tracks by making it look like he had misplaced his girlfriend—that she wasn’t dead somewhere down by the river hit over the head by a rock, by him. He wrote this as an aspiring writer, as a part of his macabre sensibilities, he would also sketch images of his victims for his drawing class.
Professor Nib was impressed by their meticulous detail. However, they were all nude and had numerous bandaids drawn on their torsos. At first, she thought nothing of it—seeing the bandaids as a surrealistic twist—an expression of artistic license.
Given the nearly perfect realism of the rest of each drawing, she started to wonder if the bandaids were concealing something. Taking a risk, she asked Arthur what was up with the bandaids. He invited her to his hometown to “meet” one of his models so she could see for herself. She had trepidations, but the Bundys were once pillars of the community. Arthur lived in their Victorian mansion that had fallen into disrepair after the elderly Bundys had mysteriously disappeared after the boys had moved back home after completing their one-year prison sentences for breaking into a pet store and killing everything: reptiles, fish, and mammals. Other than the pet store incident, they were considered model sons, although a pair of hamster mummies were found by his mother in Ted’s sock drawer. She said “Boys will be boys” and thought nothing of it. She said the same thing when she found a heart under Arthur’s pillow.
Professor Nib arrived at Arthur’s at 10:00pm as agreed. She thought it was a little late, but she agreed, writing it off to Arthur’s eccentricity. Arthur answered the door in a black silk smoking jacket, gray sweatpants, and gold trainers—Trump’s brand. He was wearing RayBan sunglasses, his blond hair was matted flat on his head with gel, he had a gold cap on one of his front teeth, and a wide belt with a giant oval-shaped red enameled buckle that said “Peterbilt.” He smiled, accenting his sunken cheeks and flashing his gold tooth.
“Come in. My studio’s in the basement. Follow me.” The stairs creaked as they went down. When they went through the studio’s door, it locked behind them. There was what looked like a mummy wrapped in a ground cloth hanging from the ceiling. Arthur said, “I was just about to do the bandaids” and tore off the ground cloth.
There was a nude woman hanging there with multiple stab wounds. Arthur used the bandaids to cover the wounds in his paintings. The woman was dead.
Professor Nib had a decision to make. Arthur was an extremely talented artist, but he was also a serial killer and she was locked in his basement “studio” with him. She told him she would give him an “A” in the drawing class if he let her go. He thought about it for a minute and said “Ok.” She followed through on her promise. After the semester was over and grades were in, she reported Arthur to the police.
Professor Nib was charged with obstructing justice for allowing Arthur to finish the semester, and giving him an “A” before reporting him to the police. She was convicted and sentenced to five years. She’s writing a novel titled “Bandaid.”
Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu.
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