Parrhesia

Parrhesia (par-rez’-i-a): Either to speak candidly or to ask forgiveness for so speaking. Sometimes considered a vice.

I’m sorry, but you smell like a circus animal. Maybe a monkey who needs a bath. Can’t you do something about it like take a shower or a bath? Tricia told me, due to an embarrassing family incident, she is half monkey and her smell is natural. She was a little hairy, had huge brown eyes and wore a dress and sneakers all time. She loved banana smoothies and made a cute little chirping sound whenever I kissed her or patted her butt.

Her father had accidentally had sex with his pet spider monkey when they lived in Africa—in Botswana. He came home from a wild night at the playing darts and drinking warm lager. He was drunk and called for mom for a tumble on the mattress with him. She was down in the basement labeling preserves for Christmas gifts. However, Lola (the monkey) heard him and made the very seductive sound that female monkeys make when they want to mate. In his drunken state he thought it was his wife. It was dark in the room and he jumped on Lola. His wife came in the room and climbed in bed after they were asleep. Lola was between them like usual and nobody was the wiser. However, Lola got pregnant and everybody thought we were going to have a cute little baby monkey around the house.

She didn’t have a monkey.

Tricia was born, the child of Tricia’s father and Lola the monkey. When she was a baby Lola took good care of care of Tricia. But, as Tricia grew to human size, Lola rejected her and got violent and had to be caged and eventually put in a zoo.

Tricia is the only monkey cross-breed in the world and I love her. Sometimes I will peel a banana for her and she’ll give me a hug and a kiss and squeeze my crotch and lick her lips and make her little chirping sound. Sometimes, she’ll stick her tongue in my ear. When she’s really excited she goes “Uh-huh, Uh-huh, Uh-huh” over and over again. That makes me wild!

Since Lola got put in the zoo, Tricia is lonely. Her father comes by once a week, but Tricia just yells at him. Someday things will settle down. When Tricia and I settle down and get married and have a child, everything’s going to be alright.

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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