Ratiocinatio (ra’-ti-o-cin-a’-ti-o): Reasoning (typically with oneself) by asking questions. Sometimes equivalent to anthypophora. More specifically, ratiocinatio can mean making statements, then asking the reason (ratio) for such an affirmation, then answering oneself. In this latter sense ratiocinatiois closely related to aetiologia. [As a questioning strategy, it is also related to erotima {the general term for a rhetorical question}.]
There is a reason for everything. Think about it. What does it mean to say “This had to have happened for a reason”? This is often said when everybody is mystified about why something happened, as if saying “it must have happened for a reason” absolves people from looking for the reason. But, when they realize it did actually happen for a reason, they want to know what the reason is. They know they can’t do it alone. That’s when they turn to me “Cam” (short for “Camshaft”) Vontell, Private Detective: “The Truth Hunter.”
I make it clear to my clients that I have magical powers, and no matter how far-fetched it may seem to be, the results of my detecting are unerring. I suffered from acute paranoia for five years, living among a group of paranoid men at “Beaver Tail State Sanatorium” in Beavertail, Montana. We spent our days searching for truth behind everything, concealed in the invisible reasons behind everything—reasons that our Overlords cleverly and secretly had for everything that made reality tick without our awareness. When we came to the powerful insight that our awareness was unaware, we started speculating further, to retrieve our freedom and put us back in control of the secret forces propelling us through life.
The most paranoid member of our group was Bunny Manson. He invented the “Motive Game.” We would do something, and then avow a motive for doing it. I might say “I tied my shoelaces so my shoes wouldn’t fall off.” The other players would call me a liar and then think of the “real” motive, never believing the avowed motive. A player might say: “Liar! You are a narcissist!” The game prepared us to play the game of life, thinking outside the so-called box, using counter-intuition and irrational speculation to discover the “truth” in the powerful hidden causes and motives that form the foundation for the natural and social orders.
So, there’s a hidden reason for everything: Your mother died of natural causes? Ha! You dupe. She was run over and mangled by a truck. Her body was reconstructed by robot surgeons in a clandestine mortuary located in a cave somewhere in Nevada. She was transported home on a government-owned train, “The Federal Necro-Express.” Clearly, she arrived this morning, dressed for her funeral with that cute little smile on her face. Case closed. When Cam Vontell says “Case closed,” the case is closed, no questions asked. The end.
By the way, I love to say “Case closed.” It works every time to make a client think we’ve discovered the truth. I target clients that are wrapped up in conspiracy theories. They’ll believe anything. I think most of them suffer from non-clinical paranoia, but somehow, they get along, living under the dead fist of the deep state.
Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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