Enigma

Enigma (e-nig’-ma): Obscuring one’s meaning by presenting it within a riddle or by means of metaphors that purposefully challenge the reader or hearer to understand.

“How much chuck could a Chuck chuck, if a Chuck chucked chuck over his shoulder.” It was cryptic. It was a riddle. It concealed its meaning under a veil of meat—a blanket of ground beef.

We were commodities traders. We followed beef products in the highly secretive, what we called, “Flesh Pit.” We watched all cuts that came onto the exchange, but ground chuck’s price was the benchmark for all beef products from knuckles to necks. The hamburger business is huge, along with meatballs (Italian and Swedish). Millions of tons are ground everywhere, every day. Any significant fluctuations in the price of ground chuck would set off alarm bells across the community of meat traders—possibly closing down the exchange.

It looked like there was a glut of frozen patties. What would we do with fresh patties still pouring unabated from the slaughter houses? Refrigerated delivery trucks were backing up three deep at MacDonalds, Burger King, Wendy’s, Jack ‘N The Box, and lesser known burger franchises. and mom ‘n pop operations. The only solution was to line the streets and fill the parks with barbecue grills and pay people to eat burgers. We knew there would be leftovers and had reserved spaces in landfills all around the US. We also set up meatball sandwhich stands—eat a meatball sandwich, get paid $10.00. Same for burgers—$10.00.

People tried to hijack the patty trucks. Since this was designated a national emergency, the National Guard was called up and was authorized to shoot looters and highjackers. When it was over, 108 people lay dead in local morgue 12,040 people were recuperating from gunshot wounds in local hospitals. A national guard spokesperson, acknowledged that they need to improve their shooting proficiency: “There should have been more fatalities, We apologize and will strive to do better next time.”

The major “meatsurrection” is over. However, the sidewalk grills persist. Now there are charcoal and bottled gas shortages. Raw patties are being sold as “beef tartare.” The raw patties are put on buns and slathered with ketchup. Incidences of food poisoning have gone up and the government is considering closing down the sidewalk grills. All over Americca the sidewalk grillers are equipping their grills with .30 caliber machinegun turrets and grenade launchers, and also, all-terrain wheels, and in some cases, diesel-powered tank treads. There is a man named “Double-Cheese” who is holding rallies at night pushing the idea that the government is corrupt and it’s up to the Grillers to help him do something about it.

Meanwhile, the government is “mulling over” what to do. Meanwhile, the Grillers are taking warning shots at the police.

How did we get here? I think it’s greed and envy. I’ve started trading in duck feathers. Alough they’ll always be down, that’s not a bad thing.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

The Daily Trope is available on Amazon in paperback under the title of The Book of Tropes for $9.95. It is also available in Kindle format for $5.99.