Comparatio (com-pa-ra’-ti-o): A general term for a comparison, either as a figure of speech or as an argument. More specific terms are generally employed, such as metaphor, simile, allegory, etc.

You are like a bullet fired in the air on New Years Eve. Do I have to elaborate on the comparison and tell you that you’re reckless, and that your recklessness wreaks havoc on our life and times together? You turn family celebrations into times for us to take cover from your insults and dangerous behavior.

Last night, which you don’t remember, you ruined your sister’s birthday by getting drunk, sitting on her cake with candles burning, and singing an obscene version of “Happy Birthday.” And then, your gift to her: a Frederick’s of Hollywood crotchless nightie. It was not funny.

As far as our family goes, you are like a dog poop in the middle of a flower garden.

It is time for you to grow up. Stop being an asshole. Start being a brother. We will forgive you when you go to rehab and become yourself again. We miss you. We don’t know what happened, but we all want the old Teddy back again.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (

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