Daily Archives: October 18, 2021


Dehortatio (de-hor-ta’-ti-o): Dissuasion.

So, you want be a star. Forgive me for being blunt. Sometimes it’s the only way to move people in the right direction who are stubborn and unyielding. I could probably get ten other people in the room who would say what I’m about to say. You probably would tell them all to take a flying “F” with your deeply irritating self-righteous little comeback speech: “You’ll never know what it takes, because you don’t have it. I’ve been struggling against small-minded people like you for years—I am noble, I am an artist, I will prevail.”

But you forget that the only acting part you’ve had was a silent gum ball machine in some crazy off, off, off Broadway musical about poisoned hamburgers: “Ptomaine Station.” My God, if you didn’t have Herby Gorpit propping you up—paying your bills—food, rent, car—you would have made the right decision years ago.

Again, I’m sorry for being so blunt, but if you don’t get out of the acting racket soon, it’ll be too late. Herby’s going to drop you in a couple years—he has a wife and kids for God’s sake.

So, here it is: You can’t sing. You can’t dance. You can’t remember your lines. Admit it. You’re not made for a career in acting. Drop the fantasy and let it go. I can help you find a decent job in retail or finance. Or you could drive for Uber! Ha ha. Although you’ve hardly ever noticed me, I’ve been standing by since college.

Please do’t be mad at me. I care about you and feel obligated to tell you the truth, no matter how far it diverges from your hopes.

Please, back away from the window. Everything’s going to be ok.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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