Heterogenium


Heterogenium (he’-ter-o-gen-i-um): Avoiding an issue by changing the subject to something different. Sometimes considered a vice.

Old Liberal News Reporter (Olnr): Now that you’ve lost the primary election to a college professor, are you considering reading a book or maybe getting an honorary degree somewhere so you’ll have a better chance of winning an election when you come out of hiding in a few years?

Erik Kant (E.K.): Well, Olnr, watch me on TheBlaze TV! 1.00 pm right after Pat & Stu. My program’s called “Still Snooty.” I’ll be doing in-depth analyses of the rise and decline of the American Empire.

Olnr: Isn’t that line of analysis begging the question E.K.?

E.K.: Well Olnr, if you don’t want to end up begging in the streets, call Goldlined Gold Mine today and order your Mind Your Own Business Medallion! Made of five ounces of 100% genuine pure Yellow Lustrium®, the obverse of the medal features a fairly accurate profile of the soon-to-be Emperor of the Republic of Idaho Maximus Convalle Innuo.* The reverse features an image of a plucked eagle and the inscription: “Reparo Aurum.”

Olnr: Hmmm. Uh, well um, we wish you . . .

E.K.: . . . a Merry Christmas? Ho! Ho! Ho! Don’t forget to watch me on Still Snooty! Do yourself and your other self a favor, and order up a bagful of Mind Your Own Business medallions! And whatever you do, don’t tread on me, or thin ice, or the Beltway, or dog poop. Eat lots of red meat and Caesar salad! Stock up on toilet paper, canned goods and roof racks! Reparo aurum! Wear a toga.

Olnr: Uh, ok E.K., whatever you say.  Hey, I hear  sirens coming our way, so I guess it’s time to bring this segment of Left Wing Moderate Brainwash to a close. Any last words for the viewers before you’re “assisted” by our friendly team of Médecins Sans Frontières medics who’ll safely render you to the quiet solitude of the United Nations basement where you will enjoy a brief all expenses paid drug induced coma topped off by a one-week “trip” courtesy of Dr. T’s Learycillin® and a private one-to-one meeting with Noam Chomsky?

E.K.: Well a big YO to all you Frank Buck Power Rangers out there! Until our next incarnation, totsiens and don’t ever forget that SHE wore blue Velveta® gloves and carried a diamond studded Slim Jim® between her teeth. And for that . . .

*Loosely translated: Supreme Glen[n] Beck[on]

  • Post your own heterogenium on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

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