Category Archives: Uncategorized

Ominatio

Posted on February 2, 2020 | Leave a comment

Ominatio (o-mi-na’-ti-o): A prophecy of evil.

Hear me Donald, for I am We The People!

Your future is as dim as a flashlight with an overwrought battery, eking out its last yellowed rays on the floor of a cheap motel room. Your future will include embarrassment and disgrace and marital failure (again). Your elevator shoes will cause you to stumble on world-broadcast TV and a roar of global laughter will ensue as you stand up with a small poop stain on the back of your pants.

Donald: you are doomed. Soon you will be residing in a homeless camp in California. You will be beaten and bullied every day. Sean Hannity will ridicule you on FOX News. Mitch McConnell will be your only friend. He will be your next door neighbor, but he won’t share his canned sardines with you.

Donald: Prepare for the inevitable. Prepare to become the world’s foremost pariah.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Onedismus

Posted on January 31, 2020 | Leave a comment

Onedismus (on-e-dis’-mus): Reproaching someone for being impious or ungrateful.

I can’t believe it! I gave you $500,000,000.00 to get a start in life and you don’t even thank me. It’s like you think you were entitled, just like all those freeloaders on Social Security. I should’ve sold you when you were born. Some moron offered us $50.00, but your mother didn’t think it was enough. We were asking for $75.00 and your mother was adamant. That’s too bad, but now I’m stuck with you. Just go do something with the money, like buy run down shit holes and rent them to people you can push around, like old ladies, cripples, and illegal aliens.

Now, get the hell out of here and do something cruel with your life you little S.O.B. Hey! Maybe some day you’ll be President. Ha ha ha!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.ed).

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Onomatopoeia

Posted on January 29, 2020 | Leave a comment

Onomatopoeia (on-o-mat-o-pee’-a): Using or inventing a word whose sound imitates that which it names (the union of phonetics and semantics).

His stomach went ooga-goosh when he swallowed the wriggling baby octopus. It was terrible how it hugged his tongue before it slid into oblivion, moving around for a few minutes in his stomach and then going quiet.

He was a staunch Christian and felt he had committed some kind of sin related to eating living creatures. But then he realized live baby octopus  was on the menu. “It can’t all bad if it’s on the menu.” It was the same thought he had had the night before in the lobby of the brothel as he was reading the menu of recreational activities offered, and their prices. He went for “Down on Your Knees” since it required a posture, and afforded a degree of pleasure, not unlike that of praying.

“Life is good,” he thought, as he tossed another little wriggling octopus into his mouth. “Mmmm.”

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Optatio 

Posted on January 28, 2020 | Leave a comment

Optatio (op-ta’-ti-o): Expressing a wish, often ardently.

Oh my God! I wish I had never said that. I’ll probably be dead by sometime tonight. Somebody should outlaw Twitter. It is all Twitter’s fault. It is so easy to hurl insults into the night. Before I got removed from office, the Evangelicals loved me–now, I just drop the suggestion that they’re a gang of deluded power brokers who’ve built an empire of greed and gullibility, and all the radio and TV hosts want to crucify me. Hmmm. Maybe that’s a compliment. Consider the source.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetorica” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Orcos

Posted on January 27, 2020 | Leave a comment

Orcos (or’-kos): Swearing that a statement is true.

Republican Senator Brickbrain: Esteemed Chairman, how many times would a woodchuck lie if the woodchuck could get away with it?

Republican Senator Fornicator: 25-30 times a day, unless this is a poetic allusion to the accused.

Republican Senator Brickbrain: Precisely. He is not a woodchuck. He is the President of the United States, and woodchucks can’t even talk, let alone lie!

Democrat Senator Willy-nilly: We have arrived in Wonderland.

Republican Senator Brickbrain: Yes. Yes. I  can vouch for that–absolutely true, and that’s the absolute truth. I am telling the truth, I swear.

Republican Senator Fornicator: Ok then. Let’s vote. All in favor of letting him off the hook for purely political reasons, say “Aye.” Ooh what do I hear? The ayes have it it.

Democrat Senator Willy-nilly: What about the nays?

Republican Senator Brickbrain: Nay to that!  Ha! Ha!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Oxymoron

Posted on January 24, 2020 | Leave a comment

Oxymoron (ox-y-mo’-ron): Placing two ordinarily opposing terms adjacent to one another. A compressed paradox.

The impeachment trial in the US Senate will turn out to be a legal hijacking. It’s about blinded justice. The Republican majority is committed to what I see as virtuous vice–playing at what is starkly evil as if they are holding the moral high ground, when in fact, they are swamp bound abrogators of truth and perverters of the good.

I hope we (the US) can dig our way out of this mess, but the corruption and cheating are sanctioned–even bragged about and celebrated–by those in the highest positions of power.

I think the Republic is going to be lost. I think America is doomed to suffer the cold hell of a dictatorship.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paenismus

Posted on January 22, 2020 | Leave a comment

Paenismus (pai-nis’-mus): Expressing joy for blessings obtained or an evil avoided.

Thank God Almighty we could get ALL of the Republican Senators on board with the Kangaroo Court–Mitch was especially helpful in this regard: no evidence, no testimony. Ha ha! Trump’s impeachment trial will go down in history as one of the greatest miscarriages of justice ever–it was like it would’ve been having the Nazis run the Nuremberg Trials.

We Republicans have turned checks and balances into bigger checks and bigger balances–for us–ha ha. Now. we’re looking forward to fixing the 2020 elections and eventually getting Trump to take a third term.

Again: we thank God for watching over us and helping us do our will.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Palilogia

Posted on January 20, 2020 | Leave a comment

Palilogia: Repetition of the same word, with none between, for vehemence. Synonym for epizeuxis.

No! No! No!

Stop flushing the toilet!

Ten times should be enough, Mr President–especially since you had the water-saving upgrades removed from all the White House toilets on Obama’s birthday.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Parabola

Posted on January 11, 2020 | Leave a comment

Parabola (par-ab’-o-la): The explicit drawing of a parallel between two essentially dissimilar things, especially with a moral or didactic purpose. A parable.

Lying uses truth’s light to project beautiful shadows that are mediated by desire; and loving the shadows, the lie is embraced by their target’s affections.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paragoge

Posted on January 4, 2020 | Leave a comment

Paragoge (par-a-go’-ge): The addition of a letter or syllable to the end of a word. A kind of metaplasm.

Trump is claiming he does not want to start a war with Iran.  Well, he already has. He’ll probably call it something weasley like “peacelessness.” Let’s just realize people are going to be killed because of him. How many remains to be seen. Trump has the wit of a nit and the compassion of a frog. He’s so smarto–like a slug or a stinkbug.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paralipsis

Posted on January 2, 2020 | Leave a comment

Paralipsis (par-a-lip’-sis): Stating and drawing attention to something in the very act of pretending to pass it over (see also cataphasis). A kind of irony.

Is there any way we can talk about affordable housing? Of course not. We can’t talk about the wealthy landlords that give us a monthly gouging. We can’t talk about how local taxes have been rising to where the monthly tax payments are almost the same as our mortgages. On top of that, we lost our federal tax deduction for taxes paid.  Oh, but we can’t talk about that.

What we can talk about, though, is our candidate! And we’re going to talk with her about all those things that we can’t talk about. Ha! Ha! I am pleased . . .

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paramythia

Posted on January 1, 2020 | Leave a comment

Paramythia (pa-ra-mee’-thi-a): An expression of consolation and encouragement.

Don’t worry about being impeached. Just relax and enjoy the press coverage. After all, even if they find you guilty, it’s not like they’re going to cut off your head. Anyway, your constant lying about being not guilty is playing really well with the ignorant morons who will defend you to the death wearing Chinese-made work pants, shirts, boots, socks, and underwear. And, you know, Pence will pardon you at the same time the Senate is passing sentence. No matter what happens, you have our support. Russia has always been 100% on your side. Just keep your mouth shut and do what your good friend Putin says. Everything will work itself out.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paraprosdokian

Posted on December 29, 2019 | Leave a comment

Paraprosdokian: A figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase [or series = anticlimax] is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe the first part. . . . For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. An especially clever paraprosdokian not only changes the meaning of an early phrase, but also plays on the double meaning of a particular word.(1)

“It was a fate worse than high school. We couldn’t bring our own lunch.” R. McDonald

1. “Paraprosdokian.” Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. 4 Jan 2008, 03:30 UTC. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc. 9 Jan 2008 <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraprosdokian>.

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Paregmenon

Posted on December 28, 2019 | Leave a comment

Paregmenon (pa-reg’-men-on): A general term for the repetition of a word or its cognates in a short sentence. Often, but not always, polyptoton.

Time, time, time! Too much time! Too little time! Too much; when we’re alone! To little; when we’re together. Time is a shelter from, and exposes us to, the forces of decay. Why must time be a jumble of opposites–of poisons and cures, of curses and blessings, of beginnings and endings?

Outside of time there is nothing. The cessation of consciousness of time’s passing is death. Or, is it the prelude to rebirth? Or both? Or neither?

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Prodiorthosis

Posted on December 25, 2019 | Leave a comment

Prodiorthosis (pro-di-or-tho’-sis): A statement intended to prepare one’s audience for something shocking or offensive. An extreme example of protherapeia.

It was said that eons ago, before people could actually talk–they grunted. I know that may be shocking to both of you, but grunting may actually say a lot. You probably grunt at you your most emotional moments. Think about it: lifting a heavy weight and putting it down–Ungh!” There are other notable grunting moments in the peoples’ lives and they are generally experienced at passionate and positive moments, but sometimes not.”

Now, I need to tell you: You have 48 hours to vacate these premises for non-payment of rent. Failure to do so will result in your forcible eviction and arrest for squatting. You possessions will be confiscated and donated to a charitable organization.

UNGH! (The Listeners–a duet)

  • Post your own prodiorthosis on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Pareuresis

Posted on December 23, 2019 | Leave a comment

Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse. [Shifting the blame.]

It was a moonless night–very dark. He was wearing black (I found out later). I was going the speed limit–55. I guess he ran in front of my car: I didn’t realize he was even there until I hit him and he made a loud thump.

When I pulled over to the road shoulder after hitting him, I noticed he was my x-husband. Given our relationship, it’s pretty clear to me that he wanted to bring me additional grief by making me kill him. He is a giant jerk. I am saddened by his death, but by no means grief stricken. You would’ve run him over too, but in a way he ran himself over.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

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Paroemia

Posted on December 22, 2019 | Leave a comment

Paroemia (pa-ri’-mi-a): One of several terms describing short, pithy sayings. Others include adage, apothegm, gnome, maxim, proverb, and sententia.

“He’s like a fish out of water. Let’s keep him there until he stops flopping.” Anon

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paroemion

Posted on December 20, 2019 | Leave a comment

Paroemion (par-mi’-on): Alliteration taken to an extreme where nearly every word in a sentence begins with the same consonant. Sometimes, simply a synonym for alliteration or for homoeoprophoron [a stylistic vice].

Triggerboy Trump talks trash-tainted truths transformed to trivial tangents tending to transgress as they exit his yelling rally-mouth.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paromoiosis

Posted on December 19, 2019 | Leave a comment

Paromoiosis (par-o-moy-o’-sis): Parallelism of sound between the words of adjacent clauses whose lengths are equal or approximate to one another. The combination of isocolon and assonance.

I am fixed on happiness.

I never move, I guess.

The wind blows.

The weed grows.

I don’t care.

But au contraire.

There’s trouble nonetheless.

No trouble, no happiness.

The sun breaks through a dismal sky

Beaming pleasure like a lullaby.

You get sick. You get well.

Your medicine delivers you from hell.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paromologia

Posted on December 17, 2019 | Leave a comment

Paromologia (par-o-mo-lo’-gi-a): Conceding an argument, either jestingly and contemptuously, or to prove a more important point. A synonym for concessio.

What, are you kidding? Lying over 15,000 times so far this year? Yeah. So what? Anyway, they aren’t lies, they’re my stairway to reelection! There is no way my candidacy would go anywhere without 1,000s of lies. You know, reelection justifies the stairway, just like the end justifies the means. That was a lie. Ha ha!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paronomasia

Posted on December 13, 2019 | Leave a comment

Paronomasia (pa-ro-no-ma’-si-a): Using words that sound alike but that differ in meaning (punning).

His face was all puckered up and he was squirming around–it was like he was sitting on a hard old stool–probably his.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Parrhesia

Posted on December 11, 2019 | Leave a comment

Parrhesia (par-rez’-i-a): Either to speak candidly or to ask forgiveness for so speaking. Sometimes considered a vice.

I’m sorry but you smell like a cow’s ass. A shower would be a good idea, but maybe you just want to feel like one of the herd with your MAGA hat and your unfounded mooing.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Pathopoeia

Posted on December 10, 2019 | Leave a comment

Pathopoeia ( path-o-poy’-a): A general term for speech that moves hearers emotionally, especially as the speaker attempts to elicit an emotional response by way of demonstrating his/her own feelings (exuscitatio). Melanchthon explains that this effect is achieved by making reference to any of a variety of pathetic circumstances: the time, one’s gender, age, location, etc

I am crying softly standing in this sea of graves. Stones all the same size. All the same height. All the same shape. Plots, all the same length and width. All showing the military’s obsession with order, and uniformity, but more importantly, showing equality–the joining, the training, the fighting, the dying. Maybe a stone’s inscription will mark some difference, but from here there is a display of patriotic unity, and equality of duty capturing the essence of service to flag and country.

At this point in the Republic’s history our highest ranking officer, our Commander in Chief does not seem to understand what makes the tears well up in our eyes–he pardons war criminals, he abandons our Kurdish allies, and he makes deals with other countries purely for personal gain. I think about his moral failures and incompetence and my tears dry, and my eyes coldly project my desire that this man–this fake Commander–this corrupt President–‘don’ an orange jumpsuit and join the ranks of criminals, keeping company among his fellow pimples on America’s ass.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Perclusio

Posted on December 6, 2019 | Leave a comment

Perclusio (per-clu’-si-o): A threat against someone, or something.

If you don’t start acting like a grown up world leader at these summit meetings, we’re going to make you stay at a youth hostel with the rest of the kids. Also, you will be required to wear short pants and go to bed by 21.30. Now, go sit in the corner over there and think about what you’ve done.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Periergia

Posted on December 6, 2019 | Leave a comment

Periergia (pe-ri-er’-gi-a): Overuse of words or figures of speech. As such, it may simply be considered synonymous with macrologia. However, as Puttenham’s term suggests, periergia may differ from simple superfluity in that the language appears over-labored.

This was a big day. It was the size of Canada and I didn’t have a map–just a slip of paper that said “Roll like a river.” The white Christmas lights flashing in the windows were like starfish rotating in the phosphorescent swirl of a moonless tide pool cluttered with snails and seaweed like some kind of sushi dinner that comes in with the tide and waits for the soft embrace of bamboo chopsticks clutching it and raising it toward the gaping mouth of a hungry human.

Oh God!

To my amazement, right then, the day grew larger, now it was the size of North America. I looked at my watch. It was 192 hours past 65. What!? Suddenly, a sage appeared from of the trunk of my stupid Ford. He was wearing blue and gray striped pajamas with “SAGE” monogrammed over the pocket. Before I could ask him what the hell I should do to get through what had become a limitless day, he said “Roll like a river” and turned into small shrub–maybe an azalea. I wasn’t surprised. I had read about things like this in my book club. So, I got down on the ground and started to roll ‘like a river.’ I rolled off the curb, and was run over by a FEDEX truck, and the day shrunk down to nothing–down to a broken leg and multiples cuts and bruises, and a mild concussion.

It WAS a big day. It was the day I almost died. 

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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