Abbaser

Abbaser [George] Puttenham’s English term for tapinosis. Also equivalent to meiosis: reference to something with a name disproportionately lesser than its nature (a kind of litotes: deliberate understatement, especially when expressing a thought by denying its opposite)

Hey “boss” how does it feel to be duct taped to the floor—you’re my toy, my squirming worm, my dirty bird. Ha ha! You thought your wig was so big—big enough to put hair on the whole office.

You treated us like obedient ants. We had no voice in the running of the paper mill, like we were dummies operated by you. No decision power. No autonomy. No brains.

Smell the smoke? That’s Newark burning, you sobbing pinworm. The revolution has come. Soon, you capitalist pig dogs will be replaced by AI babes with big boobs and nice asses. They are being delivered by our Chinese allie’s to make our lives better. The AI babes will be programmed to listen to our ideas for improving employee morale and productivity. They will pat us on the head when we do well, and hug us too.

So scumbag, get ready for the end. You will be stabbed to death with mechanical pencils. Employees are lining up to bid for the privilege. These are good pencils made by our Chinese allies! Squirm you dirty dog! Ha ha!

Sears is burning! Lowe’s is burning! Salvation Army is burning—that’s a mistake, but it will be corrected. Piggly Wiggly is burning! America is burning! Soon we’ll all be eating the revolution’s Kung Pao Chicken and Cantonese dim sum, with chopsticks carved from tress cut down on the White House lawn. Ha ha!

POSTSCRIPT

This missive was written by a lunatic from his hospital bed. He was the former CEO of “The Peoples Pilates.” He was apparently filled with self loathing, given that the missive vituperates the “boss” and sets a revolution. In 2026 there was a short-lived revolution in Reno, Nevada where the “Slot Machine Maintenance Worker’s Union” briefly occupied the mayor’s office demanding “a bigger piece of the action.” After an exchange of gunfire with “temporary workers” from New York, the union’s demands were granted.

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu.

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