Diaphora

Diaphora (di-a’-pho-ra): Repetition of a common name so as to perform two logical functions: to designate an individual and to signify the qualities connoted by that individual’s name or title.

Bill lived up to his name: bill. He never paid them. The bills were piled up on his desk. They were almost a fire hazard. He got really good at dealing with bill collectors. He didn’t pay his phone bill and his phone was disconnected. No more drubbing. The collectors had to come to his door. When they came to the door, he’d smear hot sauce on his mouth and answer the door. He’d tell the bill collector his was almost done eating his mother and ask if they could wait on the porch. The bill collectors would flee.

This worked until Ed the Drubber King was assigned to Bill’s account. It was rumored that Ed had thrown a debtor off his deck, holding him by his wallet through the back pocket of his jeans. The pocket ripped and the man fell 8 feet and dislocated his shoulder. Ed retrieved the wallet and, using the documents inside, he cancelled all debtor’s accounts. Ed was also able to crack the PIN number of the debtor’s debit card and clean out his account, paying his bills.

Ed knocked hard on Bill’s door. Bill opened the door with hot source on his mouth and didn’t get a chance to say anything before Ed ran his finger across Bill’s lips. “Mmm” he said “Hot sauce! I prefer taco sauce, but this will do!” Bill freaked out and headed for the back door. Ed ran after him yelling “Pay up loser!” Bill ran out the back door.

Ed was a judge in addition to being the Drubber King. He slapped a lien on Bill’s property and sold it at auction the next day to cover Bill’s bills and make a tidy profit for himself. Bill was furious, but there was nothing he could do about losing his home. Instead, he changed his name, had his fingerprints removed and relocated to another state. He was able to buy a new credit rating and began to improve his life.

If Bill paid his bills, he had a good shot.

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu.

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