Merismus

Merismus (mer-is’-mus): The dividing of a whole into its parts.

It was making me sad to divide my family into parts. As a whole, we are a family. As parts, we are related—father, mother, brother, sister—relatives drifting through life wondering how we were born and where we’re headed—alone and dependent for our identities at the same time. But there are cultural magnets that bring us together—holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, lawsuits. on these occasions, we are family.

Holidays, birthdays and anniversaries are a joy—singing happy birthday to Dad for the 78th time was moving. My 50th Christmas with the family was a memorable. I got everything I wanted! Mom and Dad’s 60th anniversary was a treasure to behold. Dad got Mom a new washing machine. I got her a magnifying glass so she could read her cookbook and keep on cooking for us all. I got Dad a subscription to HULU. He hasn’t stopped watching it!

It’s too bad, but our family is being sued. “The Copyright Corps of America” has filed a lawsuit against “every and all” members of our family, demanding $5,000 which would wipe out Dad’s retirement fund, making him work until he drops dead from old age, or a heart attack, or pneumonia.

What did we do to deserve being sued? I’ll tell you: we sang a song together and posted it on Facebook without paying royalties. Whoever thought that singing Depeche Mode’s “Just Can’t Get Enough” would cost us $5.000?

I did some research and found out “The Copyright Corps of America” was located in Canada. It consisted of Canadian malcontents who had been “screwed” by America. Their manifesto page said “in progress” which meant they were having trouble thinking up specific gripes.

I wrote them a scathing letter, pointing out how irresponsible it was for them to be filing cross-border lawsuits. They could damage Canada’s well-deserved reputation as a polite and honest country.

I received an almost instant apology along with two bottles of maple syrup and a deer antler.

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Daily Trope is available in an early edition on Amazon in paperback under the title of The Book of Tropes for $9.95. It is also available in Kindle format for $5.99.