Mesozeugma

Mesozeugma (me’-so-zyoog’-ma): A zeugma in which one places a common verb for many subjects in the middle of a construction.

The parade of trucks, cars, motorcycles, skateboards, bicycles, scooters, steam rollers, baby carriages, lawn mowers, wagons, and many, many more wheeled conveyances rolled past my door on their way to the fairgrounds. It was the “200th Annual Things on Wheels Festival.” The “200th” was a really big deal.

Ely Marticks had been run over and killed by a hay wagon 200 years ago. He was what back then they called “slow” or “different.” He was a troublemaker—he drooled on his money before he paid for something at the general store. He would light things on fire just to watch them burn—nothing big, but little things like knitting needles and girls’ baby dolls. He would pee on peoples’ front doors and run away. He slept in the kennels at the dog pound and transmitted fleas to anybody he got close to.

Ely’s antics were tolerated because of his difference. The townspeople were God fearing church going people. They worshipped every Sunday, singing hymns, abiding by charity and forgiving Ely for his troublesome ways. However, there was one person who lived in town who was an atheist and believed it was a dog eat dog world: Barney Pinkston. He hated Ely and started a campaign to tar and feather him and run him out of town on a rail.

Nobody joined Barney’s campaign. Barney drove the hay wagon for Mister Bell’s farm. He planned to lure Ely in front of the wagon and roll over him and kill him. The day came. Ely was standing by the side of the road. Barney threw a candy bar in front of the wagon. Ely jumped for it and the wagon rolled over his neck and killed him. When people heard about Ely’s death, a cheer went up.

The town was typical. It was filled with hypocrites—ungodly, uncharitable, intolerant people who faked their religiosity. Barney was hailed as a hero and got off the murder charge on a technicality.

Now, the Festival continues. Its origins as a celebration of Ely Martick’s murder have been forgotten. It has become a celebration of Ely’s heroism, for running in front of a hay wagon and sacrificing his life to unsuccessfully attempt to save the mythical kitten.

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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