Aschematiston: The use of plain, unadorned or unornamented language. Or, the unskilled use of figurative language. A vice. [Outside of any particular context of use or sense of its motive, it may be difficult to determine what’s “plain, unadorned or unornamented language.” The same is true of the “unskilled use of figurative language.”]
“The duck ducked.” I thought this was so funny, I tried make as many of these kinds of sayings as was humanly possible. I would use them in conversations, to seem astute, witty, and literate, and more. I will share some of them with you, but beware, be sure you know what you’re doing when you use them. Whatever you do, don’t use them with English Professors, literary critics, or librarians.
- Baby Bear couldn’t bear Goldilocks. This is especially effective when talking about people who do not like each other. You say: “Just like Baby Bear who couldn’t bear Goldilocks, Jane can’t bear Jill.”
- The snake is a snake. This is effective in pointing out a person’s reptilian character: cold and squirmy. You say: “The snake is snake, just like Bill is a snake.
- A box that can’t box. This is readily employed to allude to a parson’s deficiencies. You say: “A box that can’t box, is like Bob in bed.”
As you can see, you will have a ready stock of “sayables” that will make people stop and think “Wow!” You will be invited to more social gatherings in order to make them more interesting and more fun to attend. You will find yourself surrounded by a circle admiring guests, some of which who might be interested in having some private tutoring lessons with you. (Do you know what I mean?)
I can’t emphasize the importance of using language to get your way. Sophists understood this in ancient Greece. But, it is never too late to follow their lead. They were history’s first spinners—they treat the truth like a rigged roulette wheel, spun in such a way that their bets would always win.
We all know that truth can’t compete with lies any more. At worst, truths and lies are seen as the same. Whichever sounds “better” wins the day. What makes it “sound better?” More lies! The “plethora strategy” has proven itself in national politics. Ten good lies rapidly strung together obscure the truth to the point where it is inconsequential. Also, using words like “beautiful” and “huge,” and lots of hyperbole elevates lies to the Elysian Fields—to worlds of belief-inducing delight: including candy coated pronouncements that may be eagerly and easily swallowed: Yum! Let’s let those kids starve! Mmm! There are only two sexes!
Anyway, we’re stuck in crazy rhetorical times. Usually, when a society gets to a place like ours, it collapses. I predict our collapse will come some time in the next four years. In the meantime, spin baby spin!
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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