Anaphora (an-aph’-o-ra): Repetition of the same word or group of words at the beginning of successive clauses, sentences, or lines.
I am so embarrassed by my name. It relates back to 5th century Germany, when people were named by their occupations. There were Butchers, Farmers, Fishers and more. My family were the “Schrittwaschmaschines.” When they emigrated to the America, they had it translated to English: Crotchwasher. They were proud of the service they had provided to Prince Messerschmidt. The court Physician had discovered that washing the Prince’s crotch once every two weeks would make full-body bathing was necessary only once per year. My ancestor—my great 5X grandfather-–was employed by the Prince as court jester. The Prince thought it would be entertaining to have the jester wash his crotch. He was designated Royal Crotchwasher and was replaced as jester by the Prince’s brother who as a certified oaf was naturally funny just being himself. This enraged my ancestor—but the Prince was the Price. He became “Dieter Crotchwasher, Hygiene Promulgator to the Prince.” He got to travel with the Prince and wash his crotch all over the known world—He washed it in Rome. He washed it in Vienna. He washed it in London. He formulated and manufacture his own crotch soap he named “Bubble Crotch.” But more importantly, he developed a crotch balm that he named “Crotch Soother,” it helped eliminate cod-piece itch. Cod piece itch was unavoidable if one wanted to follow fashion. His “Crotch Soother” was incredibly popular and made him piles of gold. When the King confessed he used it, sales went through the roof. The admitted it help his codpiece itch, and also that it masked his crotch’s unpleasant smell—most predominantly the the foul odor generated by the sweating of his scrotum in the crevice where it met his legs. Sales went even farther through the roof! Dieter became a millionaire. Yet, he remained faithful to the Prince. He married the Prince’s duster, Freda, and had 7 children.
Years and years passed and the young Crotchwasher emigrated to America. He was wealthy, inheriting a good portion of his father’s considerable wealth. Still, it was America and people relentlessly made fun of his name, as they do mine. I have learned how to let it pass—ridicule happens only in government or credit card transactions, or contact payments, like a mortgage. I can’t legally change my name, or I will lose my inheritance. So, I have unofficially renamed myself Mr. Mustard after the “Clue” character.
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)
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