Eustathia

Eustathia (yoos-tay’-thi-a): Promising constancy in purpose and affection.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fallen n love. It is the easiest thing in the world to do. If you have this flaming desire in your gut, you’re in love. When you were little it was for your hamster (creepy but true), next, your third grade teacher, then, your best friend’s sister, next the hooker from Philadelphia, and finally, your wife. I guess this isn’t actually about you. Rather, it’s about me and there are way more “loves” than I can possibly list here.

Let’s focus on my wife. When we got married we did the promising thing. As I took the vows I felt like I was forging chains. When I said “I do” I started thinking about divorce. it was like a switch flipped deep in my soul and my love turned off. It wasn’t her, it was me.

We’ve been married ten years. I pretend I love her. I’d hate to see her upset over such a thing. It would tear her apart. We have two beautiful children—Linda and Pete—they would be devastated if Mommy and Daddy broke up. So, I am a pretender. My life is an act.

Without realizing what I was doing, I fell in love with with the checker at the grocery store. My wife was attractive, but Carmella was beautiful. I started doing all the grocery shopping, to my wife’s great delight. I was exploding with desire. I spoke to her when she finished ringing me up. I asked her if she wanted to go for a drink. She sad sho couldn’t because she wasn’t old enough—she was 20. 10 years younger than me! She said she’d like to go to Baskin Robbins if I wanted to. We made a date. My head was spinning. What had I done?

Date night came. I picked her up at the grocery store. I told a lie to my wife—that I had to go to the library. We had some ice cream and she asked me if I wanted to go to a motel and have some “real fun.” When we pulled into parking lot of the “Sand Trap Motel,” I felt sick. I couldn’t go through with it. Carmella didn’t care and I took her back to her car at the grocery store.

When I got home, my wife was crying. She had fallen in love with one of the check-out men at the grocery store. She told me that she stopped loving me on the day we were married. She and Carl were going to get married and he was going to move into our house and I was going to move out. I was so disappointed that I hadn’t followed through with Carmella. Damn! What a missed opportunity.

I said, “Ok, I’ll leave.” I went outside and called Carmella and asked her if she wanted to live together. She said “Yes.” So now, I’m looking for an apartment in a complex with a swimming and jacuzzi. I am so lucky.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

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