Apagoresis (a-pa-gor’-e-sis): A statement designed to inhibit someone from doing something. Often uses exaggeration [or hyperbole] to persuade. It may combine an exaggeration with a cause/effect or antecedent/consequence relationship. The consequences or effects of such a phrase are usually exaggerated to be more convincing.

If you do that again there’s no doubt–none at all–that you’re going straight to Hell when you die, which may be pretty soon at the rate you’re going. This isn’t baseball where you get three strikes–this is life, and in life you get one second chance–two strikes and you’re out. 

Rachel Maddow works directly for Satan. She spreads his sulfurous lies on the television. If you let those lies enter your brain, they will take it over and soon you will be disrespecting your parents, become a vegetarian, and get a tattoo.

For the tenth time time, I forbid you to watch Rachel Maddow–or any of CNN for that matter!

God wants you to respect your parents and eat meat–good red meat.

See that blowtorch on the dining room table? It’s there to remind us of the fiery horrors of Hell. See the back of my hand? That’s where my Daddy burned me when I was about your age. Your late grandmother had him put in jail–he was convicted of attempted murder for what he did to my hand. I never understood that, but glory, did it teach me a lesson!

If I was more smart, I would’ve listened to my Daddy. But I was too stupid to listen to his threats. I picked up the TV remote control to tune in “The Rifleman” and the next thing I knew my hand was on fire. Your grandmother called 911 and the police and put the fire out by sticking my hand in a mixing bowl filled with the strawberry jello she was making.

So, obey me and you’ll be all right. Disobey me again,  and I may use the family blowtorch to give you a taste of Hell.

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

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