Tag Archives: schemes

Metallage

Metallage (me-tal’-la-gee): When a word or phrase is treated as an object within another expression.

I am standing here looking into the wind and wondering “How did I get here? Will I ever actually know what ‘here’ is? I know where here is–right now, it’s a drainage ditch on the roadside of life: I’m up to my knees in anxiety.

But I will never know what here is–it keeps moving there. I know there’s a definition in the dictionary: I’ve read it and it does not provide an answer that is adequate: “at this place.” What is “at”? What is “this”? What is “place”?  However, when the Animals sang “We’ve Got to Get Out of This Place,” I think it was quite clear that “place” was a far-reaching metaphor for social and economic circumstances. So, was there a “here” there?

I think knowing where “here” is (it’s there), is good enough. “Here” isn’t necessary to find your way around, unless you don’t want to start from “somewhere.” So, let’s pause here and have another piece of my birthday cake–it’s right over there under the cat.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Metaphor

Metaphor (met’-a-phor): A comparison made by referring to one thing as another.

The Trump administration is a carnival ride. It is a version of bumper cars purposely crashing into each other: The Secretary of State banging into the Attorney General, who at the same time is going after the Chief of Staff, etc., etc. I wish somebody would pull the plug. Maybe they’d find a better way to relate to each other and the rest of the world too.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Metaplasm

Metaplasm (met’-a-plazm): A general term for orthographical figures (changes to the spelling of words). This includes alteration of the letters or syllables in single words, including additions, omissions, inversions, and substitutions. Such changes are considered conscious choices made by the artist or orator for the sake of eloquence or meter, in contrast to the same kinds of changes done accidentally and discussed by grammarians as vices (see barbarism). See: antistheconaphaeresisapocopeepenthesisparagoge, synaloepha.

“Acquitted” Trump Style: You’re totally guilty without a doubt, but your mollusk loser friends support you with their slimy applause as you commit stenchacide, celebrating one of the greatest con jobs in the history of America. You are truly out of control: like a toddler in his pedal car headed downhill toward a giant oak tree.

Post your own metaplasm on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Metastasis

Metastasis (me-tas’-ta-sis): Denying and turning back on your adversaries arguments used against you.

I’ve never done anything wrong, until you say I did something wrong? Well you’re wrong: I never made false accusations, but you have. It’s like they say, “I’m rubber. You’re glue. Everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”

Falsely claiming I made false accusations is deeply ironic. Now I have to accuse you of making false accusations about false accusations. You have no evidence. You have no defense. You are a disgrace. I have evidence–real evidence.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Metonymy

Metonymy (me-ton’-y-my): Reference to something or someone by naming one of its attributes. [This may include effects or any of the four Aristotelian causes {efficient/maker/inventor, material, formal/shape, final/purpose}.]

After the verdict, the Republican Senators were invited to the White House to kiss Donfather’s little warm hand, also known as P-Grabber among his adoring fans.

Definition courtesy of “Sliva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

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Ominatio

Ominatio (o-mi-na’-ti-o): A prophecy of evil.

Hear me Donald, for I am We The People!

Your future is as dim as a flashlight with an overwrought battery, eking out its last yellowed rays on the floor of a cheap motel room. Your future will include embarrassment and disgrace and marital failure (again). Your elevator shoes will cause you to stumble on world-broadcast TV and a roar of global laughter will ensue as you stand up with a small poop stain on the back of your pants.

Donald: you are doomed. Soon you will be residing in a homeless camp in California. You will be beaten and bullied every day. Sean Hannity will ridicule you on FOX News. Mitch McConnell will be your only friend. He will be your next door neighbor, but he won’t share his canned sardines with you.

Donald: Prepare for the inevitable. Prepare to become the world’s foremost pariah.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Onedismus

Onedismus (on-e-dis’-mus): Reproaching someone for being impious or ungrateful.

I can’t believe it! I gave you $500,000,000.00 to get a start in life and you don’t even thank me. It’s like you think you were entitled, just like all those freeloaders on Social Security. I should’ve sold you when you were born. Some moron offered us $50.00, but your mother didn’t think it was enough. We were asking for $75.00 and your mother was adamant. That’s too bad, but now I’m stuck with you. Just go do something with the money, like buy run down shit holes and rent them to people you can push around, like old ladies, cripples, and illegal aliens.

Now, get the hell out of here and do something cruel with your life you little S.O.B. Hey! Maybe some day you’ll be President. Ha ha ha!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.ed).

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Onomatopoeia

Onomatopoeia (on-o-mat-o-pee’-a): Using or inventing a word whose sound imitates that which it names (the union of phonetics and semantics).

His stomach went ooga-goosh when he swallowed the wriggling baby octopus. It was terrible how it hugged his tongue before it slid into oblivion, moving around for a few minutes in his stomach and then going quiet.

He was a staunch Christian and felt he had committed some kind of sin related to eating living creatures. But then he realized live baby octopus  was on the menu. “It can’t all bad if it’s on the menu.” It was the same thought he had had the night before in the lobby of the brothel as he was reading the menu of recreational activities offered, and their prices. He went for “Down on Your Knees” since it required a posture, and afforded a degree of pleasure, not unlike that of praying.

“Life is good,” he thought, as he tossed another little wriggling octopus into his mouth. “Mmmm.”

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Optatio 

Optatio (op-ta’-ti-o): Expressing a wish, often ardently.

Oh my God! I wish I had never said that. I’ll probably be dead by sometime tonight. Somebody should outlaw Twitter. It is all Twitter’s fault. It is so easy to hurl insults into the night. Before I got removed from office, the Evangelicals loved me–now, I just drop the suggestion that they’re a gang of deluded power brokers who’ve built an empire of greed and gullibility, and all the radio and TV hosts want to crucify me. Hmmm. Maybe that’s a compliment. Consider the source.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetorica” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Oxymoron

Oxymoron (ox-y-mo’-ron): Placing two ordinarily opposing terms adjacent to one another. A compressed paradox.

The impeachment trial in the US Senate will turn out to be a legal hijacking. It’s about blinded justice. The Republican majority is committed to what I see as virtuous vice–playing at what is starkly evil as if they are holding the moral high ground, when in fact, they are swamp bound abrogators of truth and perverters of the good.

I hope we (the US) can dig our way out of this mess, but the corruption and cheating are sanctioned–even bragged about and celebrated–by those in the highest positions of power.

I think the Republic is going to be lost. I think America is doomed to suffer the cold hell of a dictatorship.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Parabola

Parabola (par-ab’-o-la): The explicit drawing of a parallel between two essentially dissimilar things, especially with a moral or didactic purpose. A parable.

Lying uses truth’s light to project beautiful shadows that are mediated by desire; and loving the shadows, the lie is embraced by their target’s affections.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paragoge

Paragoge (par-a-go’-ge): The addition of a letter or syllable to the end of a word. A kind of metaplasm.

Trump is claiming he does not want to start a war with Iran.  Well, he already has. He’ll probably call it something weasley like “peacelessness.” Let’s just realize people are going to be killed because of him. How many remains to be seen. Trump has the wit of a nit and the compassion of a frog. He’s so smarto–like a slug or a stinkbug.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paramythia

Paramythia (pa-ra-mee’-thi-a): An expression of consolation and encouragement.

Don’t worry about being impeached. Just relax and enjoy the press coverage. After all, even if they find you guilty, it’s not like they’re going to cut off your head. Anyway, your constant lying about being not guilty is playing really well with the ignorant morons who will defend you to the death wearing Chinese-made work pants, shirts, boots, socks, and underwear. And, you know, Pence will pardon you at the same time the Senate is passing sentence. No matter what happens, you have our support. Russia has always been 100% on your side. Just keep your mouth shut and do what your good friend Putin says. Everything will work itself out.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paraprosdokian

Paraprosdokian: A figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase [or series = anticlimax] is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe the first part. . . . For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. An especially clever paraprosdokian not only changes the meaning of an early phrase, but also plays on the double meaning of a particular word.(1)

“It was a fate worse than high school. We couldn’t bring our own lunch.” R. McDonald

1. “Paraprosdokian.” WikipediaThe Free Encyclopedia. 4 Jan 2008, 03:30 UTC. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc. 9 Jan 2008 <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraprosdokian>.

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Paregmenon

Paregmenon (pa-reg’-men-on): A general term for the repetition of a word or its cognates in a short sentence. Often, but not always, polyptoton.

Time, time, time! Too much time! Too little time! Too much; when we’re alone! To little; when we’re together. Time is a shelter from, and exposes us to, the forces of decay. Why must time be a jumble of opposites–of poisons and cures, of curses and blessings, of beginnings and endings?

Outside of time there is nothing. The cessation of consciousness of time’s passing is death. Or, is it the prelude to rebirth? Or both? Or neither?

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Prodiorthosis

Prodiorthosis (pro-di-or-tho’-sis): A statement intended to prepare one’s audience for something shocking or offensive. An extreme example of protherapeia.

It was said that eons ago, before people could actually talk–they grunted. I know that may be shocking to both of you, but grunting may actually say a lot. You probably grunt at you your most emotional moments. Think about it: lifting a heavy weight and putting it down–Ungh!” There are other notable grunting moments in the peoples’ lives and they are generally experienced at passionate and positive moments, but sometimes not.”

Now, I need to tell you: You have 48 hours to vacate these premises for non-payment of rent. Failure to do so will result in your forcible eviction and arrest for squatting. You possessions will be confiscated and donated to a charitable organization.

UNGH! (The Listeners–a duet)

  • Post your own prodiorthosis on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Pareuresis

Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse. [Shifting the blame.]

It was a moonless night–very dark. He was wearing black (I found out later). I was going the speed limit–55. I guess he ran in front of my car: I didn’t realize he was even there until I hit him and he made a loud thump.

When I pulled over to the road shoulder after hitting him, I noticed he was my x-husband. Given our relationship, it’s pretty clear to me that he wanted to bring me additional grief by making me kill him. He is a giant jerk. I am saddened by his death, but by no means grief stricken. You would’ve run him over too, but in a way he ran himself over.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

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Paroemia

Paroemia (pa-ri’-mi-a): One of several terms describing short, pithy sayings. Others include adage, apothegm, gnome, maxim, proverb, and sententia.

“He’s like a fish out of water. Let’s keep him there until he stops flopping.” Anon

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paroemion

Paroemion (par-mi’-on): Alliteration taken to an extreme where nearly every word in a sentence begins with the same consonant. Sometimes, simply a synonym for alliteration or for homoeoprophoron [a stylistic vice].

Triggerboy Trump talks trash-tainted truths transformed to trivial tangents tending to transgress as they exit his yelling rally-mouth.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paromoiosis

Paromoiosis (par-o-moy-o’-sis): Parallelism of sound between the words of adjacent clauses whose lengths are equal or approximate to one another. The combination of isocolon and assonance.

I am fixed on happiness.

I never move, I guess.

The wind blows.

The weed grows.

I don’t care.

But au contraire.

There’s trouble nonetheless.

No trouble, no happiness.

The sun breaks through a dismal sky

Beaming pleasure like a lullaby.

You get sick. You get well.

Your medicine delivers you from hell.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paromologia

Paromologia (par-o-mo-lo’-gi-a): Conceding an argument, either jestingly and contemptuously, or to prove a more important point. A synonym for concessio.

What, are you kidding? Lying over 15,000 times so far this year? Yeah. So what? Anyway, they aren’t lies, they’re my stairway to reelection! There is no way my candidacy would go anywhere without 1,000s of lies. You know, reelection justifies the stairway, just like the end justifies the means. That was a lie. Ha ha!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paronomasia

Paronomasia (pa-ro-no-ma’-si-a): Using words that sound alike but that differ in meaning (punning).

His face was all puckered up and he was squirming around–it was like he was sitting on a hard old stool–probably his.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Parrhesia

Parrhesia (par-rez’-i-a): Either to speak candidly or to ask forgiveness for so speaking. Sometimes considered a vice.

I’m sorry but you smell like a cow’s ass. A shower would be a good idea, but maybe you just want to feel like one of the herd with your MAGA hat and your unfounded mooing.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Pathopoeia

Pathopoeia ( path-o-poy’-a): A general term for speech that moves hearers emotionally, especially as the speaker attempts to elicit an emotional response by way of demonstrating his/her own feelings (exuscitatio). Melanchthon explains that this effect is achieved by making reference to any of a variety of pathetic circumstances: the time, one’s gender, age, location, etc

I am crying softly standing in this sea of graves. Stones all the same size. All the same height. All the same shape. Plots, all the same length and width. All showing the military’s obsession with order, and uniformity, but more importantly, showing equality–the joining, the training, the fighting, the dying. Maybe a stone’s inscription will mark some difference, but from here there is a display of patriotic unity, and equality of duty capturing the essence of service to flag and country.

At this point in the Republic’s history our highest ranking officer, our Commander in Chief does not seem to understand what makes the tears well up in our eyes–he pardons war criminals, he abandons our Kurdish allies, and he makes deals with other countries purely for personal gain. I think about his moral failures and incompetence and my tears dry, and my eyes coldly project my desire that this man–this fake Commander–this corrupt President–‘don’ an orange jumpsuit and join the ranks of criminals, keeping company among his fellow pimples on America’s ass.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Perclusio

Perclusio (per-clu’-si-o): A threat against someone, or something.

If you don’t start acting like a grown up world leader at these summit meetings, we’re going to make you stay at a youth hostel with the rest of the kids. Also, you will be required to wear short pants and go to bed by 21.30. Now, go sit in the corner over there and think about what you’ve done.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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