Dialogismus

Dialogismus (di-a-lo-giz’-mus): Speaking as someone else, either to bring in others ’ points of view into one’s own speech, or to conduct a pseudo-dialog through taking up an opposing position with oneself.

Listen to this: “Him: I will make you all millionaires! Sane People: Ha ha! What? Are you the “Pie-eyed Piper” trying to get us to dance to your off-key promise and “invest” in your scheme? Him: Invest $1,000 dollars, get at least one-million back, and it’s tax free. “Don’s Bronze” will give us all beautiful faces regardless of race, ethnicity, social class, education, age, height, weight, sexual orientation, marital status, national origin, disabilities, tastes, dietary restrictions, criminal records, or religions. Sane People: nothing can appeal to so many different interests. You’re crazy. Him: And you’re mistaken! Don’s Bronze is the Noah’s Ark of skin care products. Look at the logo: Noah’s Rainbow—it is a sign of Don’s Bronze’s covenant with its customers—a money-back guarantee, backed by the fact that Don’s Bronze has celestial origins. It is made in Heaven by angels contracted by Don himself, who is, by the way, a demigod with eternal visiting privileges to purgatory where he meets with the representative of his cadre of angels who he delivers motivational speeches to. Most recently, he spoke about Sharpie pens. Sane People: Clearly, you’re crazy. Mr. Vincent will hold you down while I call 911. Throwing jars of “Don’s Bronze” At us will not change our mind.”

The “Business Club of America Chapter 89“ was blind-sided by “Don’s Bronze.” It wasn’t supposed to be a sales session, trying to get club members to invest in “Don’s Bronze.” They should’ve been suspicious when he showed up wearing a balaclava over his face. He displayed a sort of arrogance that was intimidating. But the worst was his claim that “Don’s Bronze” is made by Angels in Heaven. All I could think was that the “Angel” line had worked to make sales before. We did some research on current customers and found that 99% of them are afflicted with pathological gullibility: they will believe anything, especially if it is uttered by a rich/powerful person. A popular name for the pathology is “Green Cheese Syndrome” because many of the afflicted believe the moon is made of green cheese. In the last election cycle many seats were won by candidates using “Green Cheese” to get votes. In fact, the most popular mantra in the election cycle was “Make America Green Cheese Again.”

Our club has created more stringent vetting procedures in choosing guest speakers. We have invited the “My Pillow” man to speak at our next meeting. He will be demonstrating different ways of using a pillow to “smother” the competition. The “My Pillow” man has assured us that he is using “smother” as a metaphor. Nevertheless, we have contracted an EMT to observe the presentation.

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu.

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