Paralipsis (par-a-lip’-sis): Stating and drawing attention to something in the very act of pretending to pass it over (see also cataphasis). A kind of irony.
“I’m not going to tell you how disgusting you are.” My own Mother said this to me. I was smart enough to know that she actually thought I was disgusting. So, I said to her, “I’m not going to tell you what a shitty Mother you are.” I laughed and asked her how it felt to get hit with an oblique insult. She threw the Shepherd pie she had just made in my face. It was hot and ran down my cheeks. It tasted good! Mom really knew her Shepherd pie. We had it every-other night for supper.
I asked Mom what we would have for supper now that the Shepherd pie was ruined. She brandished a fork at me and told me she was going to stab me in the eye if I didn’t “get the hell out of the kitchen.” I got the hell out of the kitchen. I headed out to the barn to brush my prize lamb Julie.
The county fair was coming and I wanted to show her at the Fair. I was pretty sure she’d earn a blue ribbon. I had invested a lot of time in her. She was extremely well-groomed—she shone like a fluffy star. She had one small defect. Her nose ran out of control. I planned on stuffing cotton batting up her nose to absorb the drip. It would affect her breathing, but not too much.
The big day came and Julie was ready to roll. I had stuffed enough cotton up her nostrils to stop her dripping. As I walked her around the ring, she passed out. She came close to suffocating because of the cotton I had stuffed up her nose, but I cleared her nostrils and she was OK. She was eliminated because the cotton up the nose was considered cheating. We walked home.
When mom heard what had happened she said, “I’m not going to call you a stupid ass, but your showing at the Fair was the pinnacle of dumb fu*k.” I felt bad enough already. I punched Mom in the eye and stalked out the door. I slept in the barn that night and came back home the next day. I apologized to Mom. Black eye and all, she accepted my apology. She said, “It’s OK zero boy.” I hadn’t seen Julie when I got up, so I asked Mom if she knew where Julie was. Mom said, “Her leg is in the oven and the rest of her is in the freezer.”
Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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