Paromoiosis

Paromoiosis (par-o-moy-o’-sis): Parallelism of sound between the words of adjacent clauses whose lengths are equal or approximate to one another. The combination of isocolon and assonance.

I listened to her words. They were turds—wards of insignificance watching over stupid speech. I sat through dinner with her because she would have sex with me. But, she had started blabbering to me like a clucking chicken when we did it. I would start laughing and lose my erection. I tried so hard not to laugh—albeit nervously—when she started talking about woodpeckers, or BLTs, the missing shade of blue, or the different types of pasta—that’s when some laughter would leak out and my skyscraper would topple.

I told her I was going to break up with her because talking didn’t go well with sex—maybe moaning, but not speaking about woodpeckers or BLTs. She swore she wouldn’t do it again, so I gave her another chance. We went to my house, got naked, and got into bed. I had just inserted Scooby Doo when I heard her voice coming from under the bed. I pulled away and looked under the bed. It was a goddamn recording device. It was her talking about milkweed! I was lying sideways across her, where I’d climbed to look under the bed. Lying there on top of her like that, I couldn’t stop laughing. She reached under me and grabbed ahold of Scooby Doo.

The rest, I can’t recount here due to censorship rules.

She quickly “pulled” me back to my sense. I just lay lay there feeling dense and looking at the floor feeling her warmth beneath me. I rolled back over to my side of the bed, feeling right. I had regained my compassionate and charitable sight—focused clearly, like when I wear my reading glasses to read in bed at night.

I was taking out a lease on the future. It was bliss. I loved her now. It was like, boom, bang, pow. We decided I would wear ear plugs when we had sex. I got special hearing aids that, in addition to plugging my ears, produce loud static drowning her out. I could see her lips moving, but that was it. The static sounded like a river.

So, we got married. On our wedding night, I had to turn my hearing aids all the way up! It was a good night.

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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