Prolepsis (pro-lep’-sis): (1) A synonym for procatalepsis [refuting anticipated objections]; (2) speaking of something future as though already done or existing. A figure of anticipatio.
I am not a fool.
I don’t wear a cap with bells on it, or carry a wand with a model of my head mounted on it. I do carry some jingle bells, but only around Christmas for celebratory purposes—not jesting.
Although I like Rodney Dangerfield, levity is not my game. I am characteristically grave. I usually talk about deaths in my family, as you well know from last week when my sister collapsed, went into a coma and died of a brain hemorrhage. I told everybody about it, in detail. People took off running when they saw me coming so they wouldn’t have to listen to me.
No levity here!
But maybe by “fool” you mean unwise—a sucker and poor decision maker. Ha! Ha! Have you missed the point! My wisdom is illustrated in my practice of putting open cans of tuna slurry cat food in my refrigerator to preserve them. This makes my refrigerator stink, but in my wisdom, it saves me money on cat food: stink vs. money is a classic dilemma. I have resolved it in favor of stink ‘for the money.’ But that’s not the end of it. With soap, for example, you willingly spend the money to keep your stink at bay. That goes for scented toilet paper too.
One must be flexible.
I’m sure you’re dazzled by my reasoning skills—at my prowess as a decision maker!
But maybe you think I’m gullible like all fools are. I spent a long time digging holes in my back yard—mostly at night. My older sister had told me Dean Martin’s bow tie from his tuxedo was “out there” somewhere. After two weeks of digging, I found the bow tie. Anybody watching me dig would think I was gullible, but I wasn’t. Before I started digging I did some research. Looking at my mother’s diary, I found out she had an affair with Dean Martin that went on for years.
On New Years Eve 1959, they went wild, wearing formal attire to “Bambino’s.” They got totally drunk and went back to my house. Dad was on the night shift at the firehouse. They went out in the back yard to look at the stars. They were lying there looking up when Dean passed out and his bow tie fell off.
He left in the morning before Mom got up so Dad wouldn’t catch him. When she got up, she went out in the backyard to say good morning to Dean and sure he made his getaway, but he was gone. However, his bow tie was lying there. In his haste, Martin had left it behind. Worried that Dad would see it and ask questions, Mom buried it in a zip-lock bag in the little garden plot she tended in the back corner of the yard.
So, where’s the gullibility there? I sold the bow tie on Etsy for $60,000! It paid for college.
Excuse me, but I’ve got to go home now and tend to my on-line transactions. I’ve got my banking information here, right from the bank. Now, I can give Vladimir the information he needs to deposit the $200,000 I’ve been granted to remodel my bathroom, buy a generator, and pay off my mortgage. I feel blessed to have met Vladimir. He sent me a text message informing me of my good luck. The rest is history! I’m waiting!
Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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