Adnominatio (ad-no-mi-na’-ti-o): 1. A synonym for paronomasia[punning]. 2. A synonym for polyptoton. 3. Assigning to a proper name its literal or homophonic meaning.
The 8th grade was a time of relentless unending bullying: beat up the weak, ridicule everbody else. I specialized in ridicule. I was an influencer with a sizable following paying me tribute to pick on somebody else. I was making around $50 per week that I put in my college fund—a noble use for what amounted to extortion.
I had already driven 3 kids to drop out of school. They had to get jobs because, as dropouts, their parents would not support them in any way—not even feeding them. Miles worked at the “Fender Bright Car Wash.” He sprayed off the cars’ tires at the start of the wash, and then, ran around to wipe the cars down at the end of the run. “Ricochet” Rebcca worked at a rifle range—at “Full Auto.” She had been slightly wounded 12 times. She was lucky she wasn’t killed. She had a curiosity problem and would walk into the line of fire to look at a shooter’s target before they had finished shooting. Then there was “Treasure Ted.” He works for the police looking for dead bodies and buried loot with a metal detector. So far, he’s found a skull loaded with gold fillings and a wedding ring that is engraved “Too Bad, 1946.” While all these people’s dismal lives are the direct result of my first-class cruel bullying, my current favorite is “Ray,” my current victim.
I aim at him and make a buzzing sound like a ray gun whenever I see him. He stiffens up, like he goes catatonic for a minute. When he stiffens, I stick my finger in his ear and buzz again. His body goes into a massive tic that lasts another minute. All the kids gather around pointing at him and buzzing. His eyeballs roll and then he snaps out of it. He doesn’t remember anything. It is great fun! Today, I’m going to to accost Buzz in the boys locker room and give him a good buzzing.
It was a mistake. I aimed at buzz. Naked Buzz caught on fire like he’d actually been hit by a real ray. I got burned trying to push him into the showers. My gym suit caught on fire and I was severely burned. Buzz burned to a crisp. I had killed him with my “buzz.” I told the police he was trying to light a joint when he went up in flames. Despite my injuries I was able to plant a lighter on the floor in front of his locker. The police bought my story.
Since I’ve been in the hospital, I’ve decided to quit bullying. But I took one last run at it. The guy in the bed next to me had been blinded by a defective pressure cooker. I said to him: “I see you’re blind. Can you see the point I’m trying to make? I can’t see your point of view. You must see this is fruitless. ”
He was furious. He told me that once he gets a seeing eye dog, he’s going to train it to eat me.
Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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