Aganactesis (ag’-an-ak-tee’-sis): An exclamation proceeding from deep indignation.
“You goddamn prick bastard son-of-a bitch asshole mother fu*k’in’ shit-eating clap-dicked liar.” I was practicing for the “Foul Mouth Roundup.” It was a contest at the State Fair sponsored by the “Old Sailor’s Home” down by the bay where the seaweed grows and the old sailors spend their time swearing and playing Battleship. Most of them sailed on salt water, on cargo ships or fishing boats, fishing mostly for lobster, shrimp, tuna, and cod. The rest of them sailed the Great Lakes, the fresh water, from Buffalo to Cleveland transporting automobiles, hot dogs, and carbon drill bits. When they pulled into port there were hundreds of people to greet them. Hungry for a hotdog, they’d go down to the docks to hoot and holler as the ship pulled in. The sailors would throw frozen hotdogs. The residents of Cleveland would bring their own buns and mustard, and set up grills on the docks. It was crazy. Everybody loved it. Except the salt water sailors had no such tradition. The Old Sailor’s Home was in Cleveland, so the fresh water sailors kept up their tradition. The saltwater sailors felt left out, belittled, and disrespected.
This is where the “Foul Mouth Roundup” got its start. The salt water sailors would curse out the fresh water sailors from the front porch of the Old Sailor’s home as they left for their hot dog fest at the docks. The fresh water sailers would turn around and curse out the salt water sailors as they left the Old Sailor’s Home. They did this for years, and then, out of nowhere the fresh water sails extended an invitation to the salt water sailors. The salt water sailors accepted. Since “good” swearing is a hallmark of sailor-hood, they decided to preserve the swearing in the form of a contest. Whoever could string together the rudest and longest strand of swear-words in 15 seconds would win a six-month supply of hot dogs. Ties would be honored—no matter how many. You had to be 18 to attend and participate in the contest.
Goddam those teenagers! They’ve learned a ton of swear words from video games and movies like “Sacarface” or “The Wolf of Wall Street.” I learned my first swearwords from my Uncle Vince who was a retired Naval Commander. We’d go riding in his Cadillac convertible pretending it was a boat. He wore a captain’s hat, and had a ship’s wheel as a steering wheel. We would “dock” at “Ponzi’s Bar” and have a few drinks and catch up on the family “scuttlebut.” After we had a few drinks, we’d haul anchor and ride down Main Street taking turns swearing. These were formative times for me.
When I’m competing again this year, I’ll be thinking of Uncle Vince and lamenting his passing 2 years ago. He rammed into a boat trailer with no stop lights. To his credit, he swore at the driver until he died,
Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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