Apothegm

Apothegm (a’-po-th-e-gem): One of several terms describing short, pithy sayings. Others include adage, gnome, maxim, paroemia, proverb, and sententia.

“When the going gets tough, fools rush in.” I learned this saying from my Uncle Ned. He learned it from Howard the Coward. Howard thought he was wise, that being a coward was a smart move that kept him out of harm’s way—for example, he wouldn’t climb a ladder because he didn’t want to fall and break his neck. When his father’s tool shed went up in flames with his father in it, he stood and watched, certain he was doing the right thing, for himself. His father was severely burned and spent a year the hospital getting skin grafts.

For some reason, Ned became a volunteer fireman. He made sure he was first to the hose and was never expected to run into a burning building. In all the years he’s been a volunteer fireman he’s never saved a single life—it’s just been him and the hose.

He works at the zoo feeding red meat to the carnivorous animals. It sounds dangerous, but he’s made it so it isn’t. He has a huge sling shot mounted on the golf cart he uses to get around the zoo. He can lob a hindquarter of hog one-hundred feet. He does not have to get close to the lions and tigers to feed them—no rushing in for Ned. He has a sideline where he lobs meat over the animal enclosures to customers waiting for the meat on the other side. They leave him cash at a secret place in the zoo’s aquarium. Ned makes a tidy profit from his meat hurling business. Too bad the lions and tigers are so skinny.

My favorite saying is “Life is a bowl of red, red roses.” There is the roses’ fragrance to set our desires on fire. I took a bath in rose petals once and consequently had an unquenchable desire for coconut-covered donuts. I sent my mother to Cliff’s to buy me a box. I ate half the box then it slipped out of my hands and landed in the tub. The remaining donuts sunk to the bottom of the tub, but they left coconut residue floating on the water. It was very frustrating. I had my mother get me a strainer from the kitchen. Using it, I was able to skim a fair amount of coconut back into the donut box, pinch it between my fingers and eat it while my mother showered me with rose petals.

But the rose has thorns too! Be careful when you pick it up by the stem. I take care of the thorn problem by wearing tight-fitting black leather gloves. They make me look masculine and guard me from injury. I often forget, though, when I hand a red, red rose to somebody that they’re not wearing protective gloves. I did that on Mother’s Day last year. My mother’s hand bled all over the kitchen floor and she had a hard time cleaning it up. I gave her a dish towel to sop up the blood and she appreciated it: Happy Mother’s Day!

One last saying: “A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.” This saying comes from Jamaica where there’s a lot of sugar. It originated with using sugar to sweeten bitter medicine. Over time, it has taken on a figurative meaning. The “spoonful of sugar” has become a metaphor for bribery. This is not to be unexpected given how rampant bribery is throughout the world. For example, just yesterday I bribed my mother so I wouldn’t tell dad about her boyfriend Lance. I got $500 out of her and am headed to the Heaven’s Hooves racetrack to bet on Thunder Pump at 25-1.

So, sayings to live by will guide you into the future and help you explain the past. Get yourself some sayings and live the good life! In the meantime, don’t cry over spilt milk.

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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