Assumptio (as-sump’-ti’o): The introduction of a point to be considered, especially an extraneous argument.
See proslepsis (When paralipsis [stating and drawing attention to something in the very act of pretending to pass it over] is taken to its extreme. The speaker provides full details.).
We’ll have to work all night to get this order of jelly donuts done for the town donut fest. 1,000 donuts is a record, a record that is too difficult to achieve. What is it about night-time jelly donut-making that is appealing? Is it the sweet smell of raspberry jam in the calm night air? It is! Take it away and there’s just dough and powdered sugar—which does have, but will never eclipse the heavenly smell of—the sweet heavenly smell—of the angel-scented jam, injected into the donuts like a vaccine permeating the donut’s doughy body and providing a barrier against a bittersweet nexus of flavor causing pain to the tastebuds and producing a dreary oral cave, dripping spoiled saliva and other sorts of indigestible mucous.
On to the jelly donuts now! On to victory! Knead. Sprinkle. Squirt. It’s 11.00 and we’ve knocked off only 85 donuts. You all have jelly on your lips. You are licking the jelly! Not only is it unsanitary, but it is slowing you down. So—stop it! If I catch you licking the jelly, I will give you a heavy blow on the head with my marble rolling pin. It is likely to kill you, but there is a lot at stake here—without this contract we go out of business—after 200 years, gone!
Three baker’s helpers were killed that night. The poor fools just couldn’t resist licking the jelly. They were brutally beaten in front of the other workers. The beatings put the jelly donut factory further off schedule.
The Foreman gave each worker 3 large cups of espresso to speed them up. The workers became like windmills spinning out jelly donuts at an unprecedented rate. The Foreman couldn’t slow them down. Dawn was breaking. The workers were up to their necks in donuts—they couldn’t move their arms, but that didn’t matter. The foreman and his wife drank 6 large cups of espresso and started boxing jelly donuts. They were champion boxers, winning the boxing prize at the state fair year after year.
They went wild boxing. Soon, the 1,000 donuts were boxed and being wheeled to the waiting delivery trucks. The sun had peeked over the factory wall, casting a shadow on the parking lot. “Roll ‘em!” hollered the Foreman. The trucks took off in a line on time.
The business was saved! The three murdered workers were rolled up in chains and dumped into the bay from the Foreman’s new cabin cruiser. Nobody said a word. Everybody got a pay raise.
Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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