Comparatio (com-pa-ra’-ti-o): A general term for a comparison, either as a figure of speech or as an argument. More specific terms are generally employed, such as metaphor, simile, allegory, etc.
You are like an electrical appliance that blows a breaker every time you’re plugged in and turned on. The lights go out and everybody gets scared. You stand there waving around the blender like you’re going to stick somebody’s hand into it when the power comes back on. You’re like a playful cobra, deadly, yet fun. Your antics make me want to push you down the basement stairs and seriously injure or kill you. Murder isn’t usually on my mind. You sold me a warranty on the blender. $200.00 for a year’s coverage. It’s been two weeks and it’s blowing fuses. I’ve had to chase you around with a baseball bat to get you to admit you owe me a payout.
I bought the warranty in good faith, but you’re cheating like a faithless spouse or some kind of three-card monty dealer set up with a crooked game on the streets of NYC.
Stop making excuses. Just because it’s made in China, doesn’t let you off the hook. It does not work. It does not matter where it was manufactured. Stop whining and pay up. I don’t want to hear “Your check is in the mail.” In a minute I’m going to let my baseball bat do my talking. I will turn you into pulp just like the blender would if it worked. I’ll make you into a human smoothie.
The threats were empty just like the salesperson’s conscience. They were like walking on ice—they had no traction. Finally, his mother told him to shut the fu*ck up and wait. He did and his mother picked up the bat and hit the warranty bullshitter in the kneecaps. She pulled his wallet out of his back pocket while he lay moaning on the floor. She counted out $200.00 and gave it to her son. She was arrested for robbery and assault, was found guilty, and served a 6-month sentence.
When she was released, he was reminded of the saying:, “There is no influence so powerful as that of the mother.” He was filled with love. Every day became Mother’s Day. What a beautiful thing!
Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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