Optatio (op-ta’-ti-o): Expressing a wish, often ardently.
“When I wish upon a star, I want a Cadillac car.” Then, I wished upon a star. It was outside my bedroom window waiting to honor my wish. I was specific—color red and four-door sedan.
I had been making this wish ever since I gave up on small time crap a couple of months ago. I was 15 and I was going to hit the jackpot.
My wish manual, “Keep Wishing” said in its first prnciple: “Keep Wishing” followed by “Always Use the Same Words.” My Wish Coach, Mago Flaptwiller (the author), had had 17,000 wishes fulfilled when he wrote the book. He probably has 50,000 by now!
I had had a few wishes come true. Once, I wished for pancakes for breakfast and Mom delivered! Another time I wished the smog would blow away so I could go outside and play—it went away and I played tether ball for about twenty minutes and then it came back again. Then there was the time I wished for a letter in the mail, just so I could say that I got a letter. The very next day I got a letter. It was addressed to “Occupant.” Mom told me I was an occupant, so it was addressed to me. I opened it and it offered me an acre of land in the “healthful desert” with many recreational opportunities. They wanted $50.00 for it, but I couldn’t afford it. Mom called it a scam.
So, I got tired of the penny ante wishes and decided to go big time with the red, four-door Cadillac, Something every 15 year-old boy wanted. It was risky. I still hadn’t figured out where I would park it or how I would pay for gas and insurance. To soften the blow when it arrived, I told my father what I was up to. He laughed and asked me if I had been smoking “whacky tabacky.” He never took me seriously. I told Mom and she asked me where I was going to park it. I told her I had thought about it, maybe the mall parking lot.
Two days later, I was walking along a back country road, on my way to go fishing at Peterson’s Pond. A red Cadillac came roaring around a bend in the road up ahead. It was my wish car! It came straight at me and slammed on its brakes stopping about a foot in front of me. A man dressed as a movie theatre usher jumped out and yelled “Sometimes you get what you want, but most of time you don’t!”
I was gleeful and puzzled. I jumped into the Cadillac and made the electric windows go up and down a few times. Then, the car slowly became transparent and disappeared, leaving me sitting on the pavement.
The man who had been driving it said, “You didn’t tell us how long you wanted it for,” He disappeared in a puff of red smoke. I started crying and then noticed a toy red Cadillac by the side of the road. It had a note attached that said “This is better than nothing.”
Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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