Skotison

Skotison (sko’-ti-son): Purposeful obscurity.

He: This thing “talk” is driving me crazy. One of my best friends tells me it’s going to be the death of me. It’s just one of those things as far as I’m concerned. I suspect you know what the thing is all about, but you just won’t admit it to me. Maybe you think it goes without saying. Maybe you’re embarrassed. Come on and tell me! Don’t be shy! We’re engaged to be married. Between us, my thing is your thing. Tell me!

She: Is it your penis? It’s the only thing I can think of that is ever between us. I don’t see it as a problem. I take a ride on it once a week (as you well know) and have never skipped an orgasm since we’ve been together. In fact, I brag about your thing to my friends. Your thing keeps me coming back for more. Honey, I’m addicted to your thing.

He: You’ve got it all wrong. All you can think of is sex, sex, sex. Grow up! Well, to cut you a little slack, I have referred to my penis as “my thing” before and I shouldn’t admonish you for for mistaking “my thing” for “my penis.” But what is the “my thing” that I’m referring to? I admit, it does have a sexual overtone.

“My thing” is to look at my ass in a full-length mirror. I stand nude with my ass facing the mirror. I bend over, spread my cheeks, and look between my legs at my ass. If I spread my legs wide enough, I can see my scrotum too!

I’ve been doing this almost my whole life. It never loses its fascination for me. I have a blog called “My Ass” where other peoples’ “thing” is the same as mine. We share out fascination with auto-ass gazing.

Well, honey, that’s my thing. It’s looking at my ass in a mirror.

She: I didn’t know you had a secret life—marveling at your own ass. My god! I think there’s a touch of narcissism involved in your solo ass gazing. Although I’ve heard you making “mmmm” sounds in your walk-in closet in the morning, it has never intruded into our relationship, and I doubt if it ever will. Despite that, I don’t want to marry you any more. You are a creep. At least you’re honest, but that’s not enough.

He: You’re going to die without me. Look at my ass! Look! You miss it already you shallow piece of shit.

She: Ha ha! Shove your ass up your ass! Ha ha! Goodbye.

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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