Climax (cli’-max): Generally, the arrangement of words, phrases, or clauses in an order of increasing importance, often in parallel structure.
“1, 2, 3, Reality!” A rabbit was supposed to come out of my hat, but instead, it was a bill from the Japanese company whose snack service I had been subscribed to by my daughter for my 78th birthday. I received a box of Japanese snacks each month. It was hard to decide which one to eat. The wrappers were undecipherable with lots of stylized Japanese writing, and pictures of Pokémon-like creatures smiling and dancing. There could also be a picture of an item on the wrapper that hinted at what the snack was inside—but it was never enough to use it as a guide to make a choice. So, I just dove in!
When I opened the first snack it looked like pieces of string on a flat piece of cardboard. There was a mound of sugar on the string as well as what looked like red BBs. The wrapper had a message printed inside in Japanese, ending with three exclamation points. I should’ve taken heed: three exclamation points surely meant something, but foolish me ignored their potential as a warning. I took a bite. Nothing happened. The candy was delicious, but the BB sprinkles were a bit too crunchy for me.
My daughter called me down for dinner. After eating the candy, I wasn’t too hungry, but I went down anyway. We were having meatloaf—my favorite. When I walked into the dining room there was panic. My daughter picked up a knife while my grandson and granddaughter ran into the living room screaming. My drunken son-in-law said “What’s the fush, I mean, fuss?” And proceeded to take a bite of his meatloaf and another gulp of wine.
My daughter said “Don’t you see? He has turned into a mini-Godzilla—a Japanese fire-breathing monster. He’s 78 and he’ll be terrorizing major cities. He will probably be killed by drones. Father, what should we do?” I looked in the mirror on the wall at the end of the table. It was the same old me. I was confused beyond belief. In all my years on planet earth, with the exception of Woodstock, this was the weirdest experience I had ever had. Then, the doorbell rang. I answered the door and there were two Japanese men dressed in black standing on the porch. One of them was holding a box. Held it out to me and said “This is your snacks. Take!” I was just about to tell him what had happened when he asked “Where first shipment of snacks now?” I took them both up to my bedroom and pointed to the open box on my bed. One of them put on a mask and rubber gloves and picked up the box and dropped it in a silver-colored bag the other one was holding. There was a muffled explosion and flash of light. They bowed and then left through the front door, they threw the smoking bag in the trunk of their Toyota and took off, burning rubber, yelling “Sayonara,” and waving their arms out the rolled- down windows as they fish-tailed away.
I no longer looked like a mini-Godzilla to my daughter and grandchildren. Our meatloaf had gotten cold, but it still tasted good. My son-in-law was passed out on the couch. I was looking forward to digging into my new box of snacks. Things could only get better.
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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