Commoratio (kom-mor-a’-ti-o): Dwelling on or returning to one’s strongest argument. Latin equivalent for epimone.
I told you so. Now that our brother Nigel and his whole family have been deported back to the UK, maybe you’ll believe me. They made no attempt to conceal their Brittyness. For example, when they complained that the grocery store didn’t carry “Spotted Dick.” They caused near-riot at the butcher’s counter. They were called cannibals and perverts. The butcher called them “pasty-faced limeys,” a dead giveaway to the accuracy of his assumptions regarding their nationality.
Nigel, talking to the guy sitting next to him on the subway said “You look like a hard-working bloke” and almost got the shit beaten out of him. The guy, a typical New Yorker, responded: “Are you talkin’ to me? What the fu*k is a bloke? Call me that again, and I’ll kick your ass. So shut the fu*k up!” Another subway adventure happened when your son Dudley asked the woman sitting next to him to if she wanted to “budge up.” We know it means “move over” but she thought differently. She thought it had some kind of sexual connotation. She hit him twice in the face and moved her seat.
Aside from the foods, and idioms, the worst giveaway is your accent. I’ve bought you a subscription to “Talking American.” I used it, and now I sound like I’m from Kansas. It’s web-based so you can access it with any of your internet enabled devices. Here’s how it works: you mimic the speaker on the site for three hours a day until your accent is gone and you’re able to go undetected as an illegal immigrant. You should prolly change your first name too. I switched from Alastair to Pete. Mom might roll over in her grave, but we’ve got to do what we can do to stay in the USA.
But remember, it’s your accent more than anything that’s going to get you nailed and deported.
It’s all in the voice—in your accent. Start using “Talking American” today!
POSTSCRIPT
His brother grabbed the “Talking. American” box and exclaimed, “I’m chuffed now!” Then, he scooped up a giant spoonful of Trifle and shoved it in his mouth.
He was deported two days later, while his brother’s American accent left him undetected to continue pursuing his criminal activities as an undocumented alien— feeding homeless people at his neighborhood shelter, and reading books to elderly people.
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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