Deesis (de’-e-sis): An adjuration (solemn oath) or calling to witness; or, the vehement expression of desire put in terms of “for someone’s sake” or “for God’s sake.”
She: I swear to God if you put it in there, I’m going to pull it out and put it where it belongs—I might even light in on fire along the way. Were you raised in a zoo with a bunch of free-range Baboons?
He: It’s a book. This is a bookcase. I’m putting the book into the bookcase. What the hell is the problem?
She: Is that a work of fiction?
He: No. it’s “Make Your Bed,” a self-help book I was was going to. . .
She: Shut up micro-brain. Shut up the fu*k up! See that label on the shelf where you put the book? What does it say?
He: Fiction?
She: That’s right Mr. Troll. Is “Make Your Bed” fiction?
He: No?
She: That’s right numb nuts. I swear, if you ever put a work of non-fiction on the fiction shelf again, I’ll have you killed. Well, maybe not killed, but seriously injured. Well, maybe not seriously injured, but hurt in some way.
The whole purpose of bookshelves is to keep books organized into categories so you can find them when you want them, so you can read them instead spending all your time looking for them. My mother was a librarian and instilled the ideals of librarianship in me at a young age. Look around you Bozo Boy, everything in this house has a place and everything’s in its place. If you’re going to be my man, take heed.
POSTSCRIPT
He went crazy and flipped over the living room sofa, threw crumpled-up paper towels all around the kitchen floor, and mixed up the silverware drawer—putting knives and forks together and mixing soup spoons with desert spoons. To top it off, he unmade her bed.
She: Damn you! Barbarian! Visigoth! Hobokenite!
He: I’m a slob. I’ve always been a slob. I’ll never stop being a slob. I hate you and all your fu*king rules. Find yourself a man of clay that you can mold, or a puppet whose strings you can pull. Goodbye bitch!
She: Fu*k you and your mother too.
POST-POSTSCRIPT
She was diagnosed with compulsive-obsessive disorder and institutionalized. She had tried, at gunpoint, to “organize” her neighbors to stand in a line.
He, on the other hand, became an international sensation with his blog “Mr. Slobbo’s Neighborhood.”
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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