Enthymeme

Enthymeme (en’-thy-meem): 1. The informal method [or figure] of reasoning typical of rhetorical discourse. The enthymeme is sometimes defined as a “truncated syllogism” since either the major or minor premise found in that more formal method of reasoning is left implied. The enthymeme typically occurs as a conclusion coupled with a reason. When several enthymemes are linked together, this becomes sorites. 2. A figure of speech which bases a conclusion on the truth of its contrary. [Depending on its grammatical structure and specific word choice, it may be chiasmus].

If it’s impolite to fart in public, it’s polite to keep your butt cheeks clamped shut in public. Right? Of course it’s right. It’s like if something’s small, it’s not big, or even medium sized. I’ve built the mental mansion that is my mind on this way of thinking.

I honed my reasoning skills when I was in sixth grade. I was reading Aristotle’s Rhetoric. It was fairly dull, but I was a child prodigy. I was frequently compared to Mozart, but I knew I was smarter than him, but I did like to drink. I had used my genius to make a fake I.D saying I was 26. Even though I was only 16, it worked like a charm. It was a work of art. I used it to get booze, a driver’s license, a union card, cigarettes, and a private detective’s license. I called myself “Sammy Snoop P.I.” I used the towering edifice of rationality towering in my head to solve the most complex mysteries that I could take on as Sammy Snoop, P.I. They ranged from missing pets to missing mother-in-laws.

The most convoluted case I have ever been involved in was “The Case of the Missing Dust Bunnies.” Yes, dust bunnies. Curlo Doughbell collected dust bunnies. He cultivated them around his home’s heating ducts and under beds. He had over 250 dust bunnies, all labeled with a name, size, weight, and date of collection. His biggest dust bunny was four feet long and weighed 3 pounds. It was the only dust bunny in his collection that he hadn’t raised himself. It was from China and it was sold on Amazon.com. It was advertised as a “Dust Dragon” from the Ming Dynasty—it was ancient and revered.

And of course, it was a target for criminals—for burglars bent on obtaining the ancient dust dragon.

I thought: who the hell would steal a Dust Dragon? Why would they steal it? Then, I thought, if it is right not to steal, it is wrong to steal. I was on the trail! Honest people don’t steal, therefore crooks do. We had one big crook in our town: Joey Marinara. His wife Flicky loved fashion and wore unusual clothes, like an apron with spikes on it, a pair of shoes made out of treated banana peels dyed blue, or a dress made out of functioning cellphones displaying reruns of “The View.”

Joey was stacking up as my number one suspect. Chances were, given his wife’s taste in clothes, that somehow she was wearing the Dust Dragon. People who wear weird clothes, don’t wear normal clothes. Flicky didn’t wear normal clothes.

I went to Bella Donna Casino that night. It was Joey’s and Flicky’s hangout—they were always there. I ordered a drink and sat down by The Wheel of Fortune, Flicky’s favorite game. The odds of winning are a zillion to one, but she loved it. She came walking over and sat down by me and did a spin of the wheel and lost. She had the Dust Dragon wrapped around her neck like a boa. I asked her where she got the neck fixture and she told me Joey got it for her. That clinched it—like I thought—in the recesses of my marvelous mind—it was Joey who had stolen the Dust Dragon.

How would I get it back? I would steal it back. I grabbed the Dust Dragon and pulled on it like the rope on an outboard motor. Flicky screamed and spun around on her stool and the Dust Dragon came sliding off. Joey came running across the Casino with gun drawn. I waved two one-hundred dollar bills at him and he stopped running and put his gun away. If you get something for free you are likely to take money for it.

This is one example of how Aristotle has helped me fight crime. All great detectives have used Aristotle’s Rhetoric and Analytics to put their minds in motion toward making astute deductions, and drawing inferences—seeing how things add up, or filling in missing premises in the shape of enthymemes. Without Aristotle, despite the fact that I am genius, I couldn’t even find my way to the bathroom at night.

Doughbell got his Dust Dragon back and I got paid my fee. My current case (which is unsolved) is “The Case of the Dead Duck.” This man called me and said “I’m a dead duck.” Dead ducks are not alive, therefore, this man is lying. Similarly, people are not waterfowl. We are meeting tomorrow.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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