Epilogus

Epilogus (e-pi-lo’-gus): Providing an inference of what is likely to follow.

It wasn’t just another day at “Shorty’s Frog Legs.” Shorty was getting married to Parky Carlisle, the daughter of “Frank’s Frog Sauce,” the only condiment we used. It was a “spicy blend of mayonnaise, Habanero peppers, and grated Parmesan cheese.” Nothing like a steaming crispy pile of frog legs smothered in “Frank’s Frog Sauce.” Each order came with a giant-sized glass of water to quell the pepper-fire.

The wedding was huge and we were working in a meat-cleaver frenzy, lopping leg as fast as we could, and throwing them in overflowing frier baskets. I was bottling extra “Frog Sauce” to make sure we had enough for the reception.

I had to pee and headed to the Men’s Room in the back. As soon as I wrapped my hand around my Dong, I knew I had made a huge mistake. I should’ve washed my hands. My Hooter was on fire from the “Frog Sauce.” I turned to the sink to wash it off, but the sink was awkwardly positioned—I could splash a little water, but it wasn’t enough to put out the fire. I turned again and there was the toilet stall. I pulled down my pants and laid across toilet. My Weeny dunked into the toilet water, so I started swinging it back and forth like a bell clapper, swirling water around my Tool. With about 50 swirls and 20 yards of toilet paper, I was back to normal. My pants weren’t even wet.

I got my cousin Bill, who is an artist, to draw step-by-step instructions for washing off in the toilet if you have a burning Wang. I posted it in the Men’s Room alongside the “Employees Must Wash Hands” sign. I also posted a sign in the kitchen; “if you’re working with Habaneros, don’t touch your Peener without washing your hands first.”

The wedding went great! So many frog legs down the hatch. To avoid any burning issues, we served the legs with latex gloves that said “Remove before peeing.”

Since I put up the signs, the number of burning Penises has gone down significantly. We’ve also started including latex gloves at Shorty’s along with “Frank’s Frog Sauce.”

This is a story about innovation. I was promoted from leg chopper to batter dipper. God bless America.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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