Paenismus (pai-nis’-mus): Expressing joy for blessings obtained or an evil avoided.
I couldn’t believe how lucky I was! I had won $5.00 on a “Take Five” scratch-off lotto ticket that I had purchased at Cliff’s for $1.00. “That’s a pretty good profit”, I thought, as I literally jumped for joy. I had heard about jumping for joy all my life, but I had never had a good enough reason to try. Now was the time. I was jumping up and down in Cliff’s parking lot. A police car pulled in and drove up in front me, flashed its roof lights and blew a short toot at me. The police officer got out of the car slowly and closed the door. I stopped jumping for joy.
He said, “Put your hands where I can see them. Ok, now, what are you doing?” I told him I was jumping for joy because I won $5.00 on a scratch-off lotto ticket. He asked “Jumping for joy? What the hell is that?” He put his hand on his gun and told me to empty my pockets on the ground and turn them inside out. He told me to put my wallet on the ground and kick it to him. He looked inside it and held up a photo that he found in it: “Who is this?” I told him it was my girlfriend Sharon. He said, “She looks pretty damned young to be your girlfriend.” I said, “She’s over 18.” He said, “Don’t be a wise guy, punk. It’s snotty-ass kids like you that piss me off.” I said, “I’m no kid. I’m 22.” “Ok loser, That does it. Put your hands behind your back.” He handcuffed me and pushed me into the patrol car. “Ok. So tell me now, what kind of drugs are you taking Mr. Jumping For Joy?” I told him I wasn’t taking any drugs. I asked him what was going on and he told me “You’ll see.”
When we entered the police station, all hell broke loose. Cops dove under their desks. Other cops ran out of the station’s rear exit. “Let him go!” Yelled a cop wearing a formal uniform with gold braids and ribbons. It looked like he was the Chief. The cop holding me said “I’ll let him go when you stop calling me ‘Patrolman Nutso’, you return my fur-lined handcuffs, and let me drink on the job. I’ve been riding around in that damned patrol car for a week—I smell, I’m hungry, I miss my cat.” “Ok. You have deal,” said the Chief.
He let me go. I felt like jumping for joy, but I didn’t want any more trouble. When I got to the other side of the room, everybody pulled guns. Patrolman Nutso pulled his gun, yelled, “You promised!” And took a shot at the chief, nicking him in the ear. All hell broke lose and Patrolman Nutso was filled with lead. The coroner determined he was shot 122 times. Nutso’s family sued the police for using excessive force. They won the lawsuit and a $6,000,000 judgment. When the verdict came in Nutso’s wife jumped for joy for about 10 seconds and then affected a serious demeanor in keeping with the proceedings.
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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