Polyptoton (po-lyp-to’-ton): Repeating a word, but in a different form. Using a cognate of a given word in close proximity.
The steak was tough. I had a tough time cutting it and even tougher time swallowing. But, I was going to eat it anyway. I had to eat it. I had subscribed to “Straight Willy’s Honest Meats.” I got a “surprise” cut of meat in the mail each week and the subscription fee was non-refundable so I had to suck it up, or I should say “chew it up.” $450 down the tubes—well—not totally. The emu was delicious—red, juicy, and bloody. It came sliced and I cooked on the grill and ate it on hamburger buns topped with cheddar cheese with crinkly fries on the side.
The meat became increasingly exotic: raccoon loin, wildebeest tongue, pickled python, woodpecker neck, and whole porcupine. The porcupine alerted me that something was wrong. There were no instructions on how to prepare it—how to get past the quills and how to dress it for eating. Also, it looked like there was a tire mark cross flattened head. I wrote an email to “Straight Willy’s” complaining and I didn’t hear from them for a week. Then, they apologized profusely and were sending me five “braces” of prepared ruffed grouse chicks, a smoked armadillo, and a nutria. All exotic, and of interest to me as a connoisseur of weird food.
The baby grouse came packed in a box with dry ice. They were laying their backs with their little feet sticking up. Each one had a neatly printed name tag tied to its left leg. There was Ben and Jerry, Willy Nelson, Buck Rogers, Rembrandt, Ulysses Grant, Clint Eastwood, Blondie, Madonna, and Cher. This was too bizarre even for me! I sent “Straight Willys” another email, telling them I didn’t appreciate their sense of humor. They wrote back and told me that they didn’t intend to offend anybody. The naming was supposed to enhance my eating pleasure. That’s when they sent me the steak as a “peace offering.” They told me it was “aged beef” and it was—cut from a 20-year old cow. Inedible!
So, I cancelled my subscription. But, they’ve continued to send me bizarre meats. Earlier this week, smoked goat udders. Last week, breaded pig anuses. it is horrifying. If I could find where they’re located, I’d burn the place down. I just received a box today. It feels very light compared to the others. There’s probably no dry ice in it. I opened the and it was empty. There was a note in the bottom of the box. It said: “I hope you starve, Straight Willy.”
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)
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