Aphorismus ( a-phor-is’-mus): Calling into question the proper use of a word.
Rick: He has a peach on his mind. Me: I think you mean “leech.”
Rick: oh you must be right, even though it never occurred to me. Your book “Right Word, Right Life” shows should’ve been in my hand. I wear it around my neck on a bootlace, but I’m reticent to use it all the time. Me: Uh oh. It’s “hesitant” not “reticent.” Shame on you for word abuse. I’m gong to have to fine you $50. I let “peach” slide. It is a common and quite harmless error. In fact, peach is the most misused word in the English language, right next to “addendum.” There’s an ATM right across the street. Get the money or you’re going to the Thesaurus for the night. You’ll be made to say the same thing in different ways until bedtime. You will be given a ten pound dictionary for a pillow and expired galley proofs for a blanket—boring classifieds from years ago.
Nobody knows why, but “Criers” are housed in Thesaurus too. Criers have an inherited malady that has been traced to the Stoic Marcus Aurelius. Criers cry for no reason. Sometimes they sniffle, but often they blow a bomb laced with machine gun-like sobs. That’s why they are jailed here in our little corner of dystopia. Marcus Aurelius developed Stoicism in an attempt to stem crying. It didn’t work, so he came up with idea that you can’t control how people see you, so screw it and them. This made him happy.
Roy Orbison is a noteworthy 20th century Cryer. He was “all right for a while” but then he had an uncontrollable crying fit, and had a hit record.
So now you have the whole picture. Get me the $50 now or I’m calling backup.
Rick: I’m reticent to . . .
Me: Stop! I’m calling backup. Be prepared to be kept awake by the Cryers! You fool. You foul-mouth turkey butt. You’re a rotten peach.
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)
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