Asteismus (as-te-is’-mus): Polite or genteel mockery. More specifically, a figure of reply in which the answerer catches a certain word and throws it back to the first speaker with an unexpected twist. Less frequently, a witty use of allegory or comparison, such as when a literal and an allegorical meaning are both implied.
Joann: No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
Gill: No butts? a world without butts is a world where there’s nothing worth looking at.
Joann: Give it up. Your attempts at humor are a joke. And that does not mean funny. It means pitiful. So again, you’ve got to get your act together or I’m packing up and leaving, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
Gill: My favorite act is getting my act together. That means knowing my lines, memorizing them, and speaking them in the right tone with the right gestures, including facial expressions. See? I am smiling with a depth of sincerity that shows my act is together. See? See? That means “yes” in Spanish.
Joann: Yes, I see. Si. Si. You’re disturbed. Your relational calculus is missing actual sincerity—the foundation of trust, and possibly, in some cases, a sure sign of love. We’re supposed to be n love. I don’t think you know what it is.
Gill: My idea of love goes deeper than my favorite cut of beef or flavor of ice cream, which is chocolate, by the way. For me, true love is more like rolling in gold coins. What a feeling!
Joann started laughing, but it wasn’t for happiness. It was angry laughter that had a sort of growl to it. Gill had heard that kind of laughter before. Joann was going to break up with him. He lamented the fact that he had no staying power with women. Barbara had made get out of her car at gunpoint out in the middle of the desert. He never should’ve gone camping with Joann. She was fingering a can of bear repellent. Gill was pretty sure he was going to take a squirt in the face. Why? Because he’s ugly? No. Because he’s mean? No. Because he’s socially inept? Yes—that’s it. He begged Joann not to squirt him. She squirted hm. He ran to the lake and soaked his face. She came running to lake yelling “I’m sorry. My god. My finger slipped!” She was holding something behind her back. It was a small log. She beat the half-blinded Gill over the head until he was dead. Too bad Gill did not know that Joann was psycho and was a fugitive from “Bluto’s Hope Mental Hospital.” There were pictures posted all over the place with a warning—they were everywhere—from telephone poles to the internet. If Gill had done a little research he would’ve been saved.
So, the lesson here is check out telephone poles and mental institutions’ websites. “Billy’s Bear Spray” has set up a memorial fund in Gill’s name. Joann is still on the run. She was last seen in Tulsa with a man with a bruised and swollen face.
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)
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