Metonymy (me-ton’-y-my): Reference to something or someone by naming one of its attributes. [This may include effects or any of the four Aristotelian causes {efficient/maker/inventor, material, formal/shape, final/purpose}.]
“Hey Fatty!” Yes, that was my nickname. I grew up in a small town and I had always been called “Fatty.” It had been going on for so long it was “normal.” It did not strike me as a taunt any more. It had become my name. I had my own business called “Fattiy’s,” It was a dessert bar in the mall. I sold ice cream sundaes and Buster Bombs—my own invention. They were round-shaped ice cream pops—vanilla ice cream, chocolate coating and rolled in peanuts. They also contained an ounce of Vivarn, and you had to be 18 to purchase them. They were quite popular. I had a steady stream of return customers who would inevitably comment on how good the Buster Bombs made them feel—better even than Coca Cola.
My most popular sundae was called the “Monday”. It had caffeinated coffee ice cream, walnuts and powdered coffee beans that were made to be snorted—laid out in a line on a napkin with a straw. Patrons would be lined up at the door when I opened the door at 7.00 am, They’d yell “Monday!” I’d work like crazy making Mondays until around 10.00 am. Then, Fatty’s would empty out.
At around 3.30 the kids would arrive. They loved their sugar. I fed the kids “fortified” sundaes with 10-times the sugar as in normal sundaes and just enough caffeine to affect the quality of their lives. The favorite sundae among the kids was the “Naughty.” Our all-county football star drank 3 Naughties every day. He would tackle two or three kids before running out the door and running to practice imitating a police car’s whooping siren..
The kids would clear out of Fatty’s around 4.30. I would close until nine, when some adults would trickle in. The late-night menu consisted of “calming” sundaes to prepare them for a good night’s sleep. The most popular sundae was the “Snore.” It was made of Melatonin ice cream topped with whipped cream and three cherries soaked in “ZZZ NyQuil.” Most of the adults would come and go via Uber. I also offered the “Stiffy” for men with marital issues. It consisted of ingredients shipped directly from “Hoo Doo Ltd.” in New Orleans. I really don’t know what the ingredients are. I just sprinkle them on two scoops of vanilla ice cream with a banana on top, garnished with two cherry sour balls.
I am retiring next week. I have written a sundae “cook book” that will be published by Harvard University Press. Harvard believes it is important to finally publish something other than boring academic mumbo-jumbo. The title of the book is “Drink, Drink and Be Merry: Sundaes for All Your Needs.” I’ll be going on a book signing tour. My first stop is Miami, FL where my book is required reading for government employees and all middle school students.
Well, I’m going to drink a “Snooze” and go to bed now. Good night.
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)
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