Pysma (pys’-ma): The asking of multiple questions successively (which would together require a complex reply). A rhetorical use of the question.
Who am I? What am I? Where am I? Why am I? I gave up on trying answer these question when I became a pasta machine operater when I was 19. I’d put on my white apron and little white paper hat and yell “Pasta Ho” and flip the switch. The pastas would squeeze through the die, spewing what looked like white worms. The name of the company I worked for was “Pasta Masters.” The company began when Tony Chip absconded from Naples with a pasta recipe dating back to ancient Rome. It was 1920 and Tony fled to America. He was pursued by “Tentacles” Buskini. He always got his man—that’s why he was called “Tenacles.”
Tony knew he would be chased, so, he took precautions. The two most important were growing a big bushy beard and learning to speak English with a New York accent. The ruses worked, but he was greedy. He opened a pasta factory and was tremendously successful. Tentacles heard about the factory and guessed that Tony was somehow involved. He checked and made sure his gun was loaded and took off for “Pasta Masters”:where he would find Tony and “blow a couple holes in him.”
Tentacles snuck into the factory and put on a white apron and a little white paper hat. He blended in. He found Tony’s office. Tony was on his desk with one of the workers. This was the only proven way to get a pay raise, or promotion at “Pasta Masters”. So, the desktop frolics were normal.
Tentacles kicked open the door. He didn’t even give Tony a chance to stand up. He shot him 4 times in the head. Tony died instantly. The girl underneath him started yelling at Tentacles to get Tony off of her. He complied and pushed Tony onto the floor. A medallion bearing the Caligula family crest fell out of Tony’s pocket. “Caligula” was Tony’s real surname and Tentacles’ too. Tony and Tentacles were related! Tony took out his backup pistol, wipe it down, and put it in Tony’s hand. He told the girl it was self-defense that she witnessed. People were banging on the door. Tentacles opened it. He was handcuffed, but, when the girl told the “story” of what happened, Tentacles was let go and not charged. Later, he argued in court that he was the pasta factory’s heir: he was the only known living relative of Tony, who was also a Caligula. Tentacles received ownership of the factory and it continues to be a huge success.
Tentacles is long gone, but his great-grandson “Murky” runs the factory now. Tentacles’ pistol is mounted on Murky’s office wall with a plaque under it reading: “Lead in the head puts problems to bed.”
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)
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