Synathroesmus (sin-ath-res’-mus): 1. The conglomeration of many words and expressions either with similar meaning (= synonymia) or not (= congeries). 2. A gathering together of things scattered throughout a speech (= accumulatio [:Bringing together various points made throughout a speech and presenting them again in a forceful, climactic way. A blend of summary and climax.])
High. Tall. Statuesque. Altitude: that’s what they called me: Altitude. I was 6’ 8” in the fourth grade. I had what my mother called a “growth spurt.” School taxes went up that year so I could be accommodated. For example, I had a desk that could be jacked up and down so other kids could use it. The ceiling had to be raised in the cloakroom. I had a seat with the legs sawed halfway off that I used in the lunch room so I could fit under the table. My knees were up around my shoulders, but I got to eat with my friends.
My dad suggested I play basketball. I wasn’t very athletically inclined, but I was tall. So I played basketball. The middle school baskets were nine feet high. I just stood by the basket and waited for a pass. I’d catch it and put the ball in the basket. As many passes as I could catch, I could make as many baskets. Lewis Middle School was unbeatable. Other schools started to complain that Lewis was cheating—that I was a freak of nature with no business playing middle school basketball. The other schools agitated for the School Board to make a ruling and put a cap on player height. The School Board ruled in their favor. Lewis Middle school sued the School Board, won, and I continued to play. Fans from opposing teams would throw things at me. A favorite was little plastic toy Jolly Green Giants. The game would have to be stopped after I was bombarded so the plastic giants could be swept up. It was humiliating and made me angry.
I stopped growing in the fourth grade. I was still very tall and my height was still exploited on the basketball court. By the time I graduated from high school I was a “normal” size basketball player. I got a scholarship and actually learned how to play basketball. Then, I started growing again. I was 8’ 1” tall when I graduated from college. I was recruited by professional basketball teams, but I was burned out. I turned down 8 million dollars from one team.
Instead, I started a business changing light bulbs for the elderly and disabled. With my height I didn’t need a ladder. I had a van refitted with extra legroom. My service caught on by word of mouth. Now, I have a constant supply of clients who’re appreciative of what I do. I call my business “Light Twisters.” So far, I’ve changed over a half-million light bulbs of all kinds—flourescent, incandescent, halogen. I have started hiring disabled former NFL players, who may be rich, but who are bored sitting at home watching TV or trolling the internet.
All in all, it has been a wild ride. By the way, I’m married and have a beautiful 11 foot-tall daughter. Ha ha. Just kidding. She’s normal height.
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)
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