Anacoenosis (an’-a-ko-en-os’-is): Asking the opinion or judgment of the judges or audience, usually implying their common interest with the speaker in the matter [and illustrating their communally-held ideals of truth, justice, goodness and beauty, for better and for worse].
Who doesn’t want food? Anybody out there want to starve? No, I didn’t think so. But who wants to be fat? Only people with mental problems want to be fat—big blubber balls rolling down the avenue, risking death with every step. Given their burden on the health care system, I am proposing a bill making it illegal to be 20 or more pounds overweight. People who are “differently bodied” will be fined $50.00 for every pound they are overweight and be granted a membership in a government-sponsored gym where they will be required to exercise no less than 1-hour per day.
All exits and entries of buildings everywhere will be fitted with facial recognition cameras, scales and laser-based height measuring technology. If a “differently bodied” person is detected, as a first step, they will be sent a letter requesting that they come to Differently Bodied Headquarters (DBH) for further instructions. If they fail to appear, a Diet Squad will be dispatched to their home and they will be detained at DBH until they take the oath: “I faithfully promise to exercise daily and follow the prescribed menu. So help me god.”
Once we put this program into place, millions will be saved every year. Weight-related illnesses will become a thing of the past. We say, “Make America svelte again.” My national gym franchise “Exer-Mart” will be taking the lead on bringing the legislation to fruition. My gym shoes “Rocket Toes” will be required by all participants. My son Jasper will be in charge of everything, and all of you will be granted a piece of the action—10%. If you don’t want a piece, you’ll quietly disappear, maybe in a national forest. You can see, my Republican colleagues have their guns drawn and aimed at the Democrat side of the House.
Ok, let’s vote.
The votes are in. The Representative from New York couldn’t vote due to a flesh wound. The Bill 334 passes. Let’s make America svelte again!
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.
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