Epanorthosis

Epanorthosis (ep-an-or-tho’-sis): Amending a first thought by altering it to make it stronger or more vehement.

Beaver: I have deeply negative feelings for you. Enough of this bullshit: I hate your guts. If murder was legal, I would murder you. I can’t believe what a foul bastard you’ve become. Ever since you started hanging out with Eddie Haskell again, you’ve turned into a hissing snake that scares children and winds around women, stealing their affection and emptying their purses. Maybe I should kill you.

Wally: Gee Beaver, where did you get all these lies about Eddie from? He’s kind and generous. He gives to charity—The Home For Off-Beat Men. It has been serving wayward men for ages—men who were non-conformists like George Wallace, or Henry Ford, or George Lincoln Rockwell. It put a roof over their heads and fed them when they were in danger.

Beaver: Can’t you see? The men you cited are bad to the bone. If this is Eddie’s idea of a charitable shelter, he’d probably give money to a cardboard box, filled with explosives. The things you do with Eddie make me sick, Wally, some day you will get caught and you’ll go to prison. Do you think it is legal to steal old lady’s purses, or kid’s bicycle’s, or to burglarize convenience stores? No! It is not legal! Eddie is a piece of shit. He’s taking you to jail. There’s a remote chance I may want to be close, as brothers again, if you cut off your connection to Eddie. I don’t want to rekindle out connection as your visitor in jail.

Wally: Beaver, you are so naive. I’ve been walking the edge with Eddie ever since we were little kids. I’ve always looked up to his ability to lie and cheat. Right now, we’re on the golden road to riches. As long as you keep your mouth shut, we’ll make it. We’re graduating to scams—scams that require intelligence and cleverness. Right now, we’re working on an adult webcam site. Mom has agreed to “perform” on the site to help us get up and running. Her cam-name is Misty Crab. We will have people pay to meet her off cam, but she’ll never show up. This is all perfectly legal, and Dad has approved, and with Mom’s help, we’re taking off like a rocket ship. We will be recruiting additional cam-girls at the community college. We’re plastering the place with flyers, and so far, we’ve recruited five cam-girls who start on Monday. What’s wrong with this baby brother?

Beaver: Gosh Wally, you and Eddie have got a plan that sounds legal and profitable. And with Mom’s approval, I’m in. Are you going to have male-cams too? If you are, I’d like to give it a try, but I’ll have to change my name from “Beaver.” Ha ha!

Wally: Ha ha! I’ll ask Eddie..

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99. There is also a Kindle edition available for $5.99.