Apophasis (a-pof’-a-sis): The rejection of several reasons why a thing should or should not be done and affirming a single one, considered most valid.
Nothing was normal after I stopped believing in God. No more getting down on my knees by my bed and saying my most heartfelt prayers: 1. That my boss die of cancer; 2. That my neighbor’s house burn down with him in it, as well as his “prizewinning” tropical fish; 3. That my wife’s abomination of a dog suffer some cruel fate. It was a pig-a-poo, a cross between a pig and a poodle. It was stolen from a government secret the research facility. The animal’s front end was a dog and rear end a pig. When it barks it sounds like a deep bass pig.
Surprise! I started believing in God again! I’ll be throwing prayers up to heaven again. It happened on the bus. I was on my way home from work. There was a beautiful woman sitting next to me. She said her name was Sherry, after her mother’s favorite beverage. She put her hand on my leg. I heard doves cooing and harpsichord tunes. I was back on God’s team, I prayed that I would run into Sherry on the bus again, which I did! She had gained 50 pounds, was pregnant and smelled like onions.
Lat’s see what we’ve got (unranked):
1. Boss has cancer
2. House in flames
3. Pig-a-poo
4. Angel-on-a-bus
I’m not going to pick any of these. In celebration of my recent return to God, I’m going for something new. A new prayer for a new me!
My prayers have asked God to do really bad things. I’ve had some luck. Also, if you ask God to do it, it’s not on you—it’s on Him,
“I pray that my sister fall down her living room or, basement, stairs.” The great thing about prayers is you don’t have to justify them. You ask God with a couple of “pleases” thrown in to smooth things out. You will probably not have your prayers answered.
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)
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