Isocolon (i-so-co’-lon): A series of similarly structured elements having the same length. A kind of parallelism.
Wind. Rain. Snow. With climate change, that’s what we get here all in one day. Arizona has gone weather crazy. Last week, we had a hurricane, a tornado, and an earthquake on Tuesday. I’m not sure if an earthquake is a result of climate change, but I don’t care. A huge crevasse opened under the “Only True Evangelical Resurrectional Sanctuary of the Blood-Soaked Cross.” Rev. Natas told us the earthquake had put climate change on a spiritual footing: “Aside from Noah’s cloudburst, message have always been delivered by God by cracks and fissures in the earth, giving us a glimpse of the hell below us. If you look under the church, you may get a glimpse of the imps and demons living under our feet, and where most of us will reach our ultimate fate as minions serving Satan in hell’s “Home Style Buffett” where things are always steaming hot, even the ice cream.”
“What a lunar bird the Rev. is” I thought to myself, but I went and looked into the fissure anyway. It was smoking and glowing through the smoke. I heard soft moaning sounds coming from deep down in the fissure. The smoke was making me cough, so I had to step away. I decided the moaning was just the wind blowing through the hole. As I walked away, a giant bolt of lightning hit the ground around 10 feet away. I felt the electric current. My hair was singed off and my shorts and t-shirt were shredded. I was still standing and couldn’t believe that I wasn’t seriously injured. I turned around and Rev. Natas was nowhere to be seen.
There was a red telephone booth standing there like they used to have back in the day in England. So fat she filled the phone booth with her bulk, there was a woman dressed as a cowgirl talking on the phone. She held the phone out to me and said “It’s for you partner.” I held out my hand and took the phone. The energetic voice at the other end said, “Hello Mr. Graff! You’ve won an all-expense paid trip down into the crevasse. You will be treated to a “Body Bake” and a “Soul Roll” free of charge. Just jump in the hole and you’re on your way!”
I dropped the phone and ran home as fast as I could. I was exhausted and went to bed at 4:00 in the afternoon. I woke up at 3:00 am and looked outside. It was raining, snowing, sleeting and hailing. This was the craziest weather I’d ever seen. Climate change was making progress. Suddenly, it started raining cats and dogs. All breeds, ages, and sizes. They hit the ground softly and walked away. This was surely the beginning of the end of the world.
My phone rang. I answered it and it was the telemarketer from hell. He told me he could grant me immortality if I would “make the jump, and take the leap of faith.” I hung up and ran outside and picked up the cute little puppy that had just dropped out of the sky. I named him “Stormy” and I knew we were going to have some good times together, if we survived. .
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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