Paromoiosis (par-o-moy-o’-sis): Parallelism of sound between the words of adjacent clauses whose lengths are equal or approximate to one another. The combination of isocolon and assonance.
Why does it seem stupid to ask what the meaning of life is? It isn’t that stupid to find a way to find a little bliss. You just start looking. You never give up. So, I went on the internet and Googled “bliss” in all caps. The top hit was a definition: perfect happiness; great joy. That’s what I expected. The second was a trash removal company in my zip code. The third was a “The Cosmic Bliss Institute” located physically in Union, New Jersey. They promise a “quick trip” to Nirvana at one low low price . Before I looked into Cosmic Bliss, I had to check out “Electric Angel.” She promised excitement followed by serenity from watching her “work” with her specially fitted shop tools, live, via webcam. I had to check this out. I’d visit Cosmic Bliss later.
I clicked on the link. The screen turned red, and there was the sound of an electric drill whirring loudly. Suddenly it stopped. Then there was the sound of a circular saw. “This is bizarre” I thought. Then, a disclaimer came on the screen requiring that I be a Social Security Recipient to join. The disclaimer also said: “Be advised, really crazy things happen here. If you are under 65 years of age, stay out!” Further, it said “25 minutes with the Electric Angel are $1000.00. Please enter your credit card information within 30 seconds, or you will be permanently banned from this site.” I entered my card information immediately.
Music started playing. It was slow and rich and clearly had an erotic intention. An overweight naked woman was dancing to the music, winding around like a big snake. She had a battery-powered electric drill in each hand. Each drill bit impaled a hot dog. There were two hot dog buns on the table in front of her. She flipped over the drills and slowly writhed toward the table, put the hot dogs in the buns, reversed the drills and withdrew the drill bits. She put down the drills and picked up the two hot dogs. I thought, “Ok, finally, here we go!” She threw the two hot dogs on the floor and kicked them away from her. “I paid $1000.00 for this? It’s total bullshit!”
Just then, the hot dogs exploded, giving off a beautiful cloud of shimmering rainbow colors, and I could smell a sweet perfume coming out of my computer’s keyboard. A genie materialized out of the haze. He was wearing a shiny golden suit and a black turban with a crow feather sticking out of it. He yelled, “Yes! This is bullshit. Turn off your computer and take a long walk.” He disappeared and the screen went blank.
So, I was going to take a walk—I was headed for the Cosmic Bliss Institute. It was a little over 1,000 miles from where I live. I made holsters for two electric drills. I got a sackcloth pullover, and all-leather sandals. I found a long gnarled tree branch in the woods by my house and made it into a staff. Last, I bought a giant water bottle. I was ready to become a prophet.
I got up at dawn and put a note on my door: “I am on a wisdom walk and won’t back for a year, if at all.” I decided to cut across the golf course to get started. I was run over by a golf cart. It broke my left leg and arm. Ever since, I have been wracking my brain to say something wise about what’s happened to me. There are tons of quotes I could use. My favorite is Winston Churchill: “You never can tell whether bad luck may not after all turn out to be good luck.” That’s pretty good, but it is a little too optimistic. Ok, anyway, here are my words of wisdom: “There isn’t a ‘few’ in future, it only sounds like there is.”
So much of life is like that: it sounds like it is, but it isn’t.
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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