Hyperbaton (hy-per’-ba-ton): 1. An inversion of normal word order. A generic term for a variety of figures involving transposition, it is sometimes synonymous with anastrophe. 2. Adding a word or thought to a sentence that is already semantically complete, thus drawing emphasis to the addition.
I was worried—REALLY worried: panicking. My carnivorous goat had escaped and was trying to eat peole all around northern Pennsylvania.
I am a genius. But, I admit, I’m a little off the mark. I had graduated with Honors from the Frankenstein School of Genetic Engiheering. The school’s motto was “It’s Alive!“ (Et Vivit). The school’s mission was ”To train mentally unbalanced young geniuses to produce mutants of all kinds to make the world more interesting and dangerous.” I was attracted to the word “dangerous” in the mission statement. As a child, I had been brought up in the lap of luxury—never a worry, never a care. Our family had infinite wealth. Just to stay busy, my father watched TV all day. He could recite all of the ads and sing all the shows’ theme songs. The “Green Acres” theme song was his favorite. He hired a country western band to back him up when he sang it. Was headed by Tennessee Ernie Ford.
Anyway, my doctoral project at Frankenstein School of Genetics was “Attack Butterfly and Squirrel Extermination.” I developed a butterfly that disguises itself as an acorn and poisons a squittel when it picked up the faux acorn. The “Pixie dust” on the butterfly’s wings is genetically modified to be fatal to the touch by small mammals. Humans become seriously ill, vomiting and produce flatulence almost constantly for one week. Look but don’t touch, Ha ha. I graduated with highest honors and moved to Pennsylvania
The carnivorous goat became my obsession, eventually I crossbred a goat and raccoon. The raccoon’s propensity for rummaging through garbage was a perfect match to the Goat’s fondness for tin cans. However, I could not have predicted how viscous the Racgoat would be, and how pronounced its appetite for bloody meat would be. The Racgoat has nearly wiped out northern Pennsylvania’s Cottontail Rabbit population. I don’t think anybody cares. After all, what good are rabbits? Also, currently there is only one Racgoat wreaking have in Northern Pennsylvania. The others were dispatched in their cages before they could escape. However, it has been reported that the remaining Racgoat has grown to the size of a dinosaur, and can only be dispatched by a military tank, a flame thrower, a drone, or field artillery.
I am quite pleased that things are developing into a sort of B Grade 1950s science fiction movie, like “Gorgo.” I have already been contacted by Taylor Swift’s agent to make her movie debut in “Racgoat.” The crisis isn’t over yet. Today, the Racgoat invaded a daycare center and nearly succeeded in eating the children. The monster was repelled when a firefighter kept yelling “Baaaa baaaad!”
I just got word the Racgoat is headed for Philadelphia, absorbing all the armaments the US has to throw at it. Oh well, at least he can’t fly. People will be able to evacuate well-before the he gets to Philadelphia.
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)
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