Meiosis (mei-o’-sis): Reference to something with a name disproportionately lesser than its nature (a kind of litotes). This term is equivalent to tapinosis.
They called me “Shorty.” I was 6’ 8” tall. I think it was my father who gave me the nickname when I was a baby and wouldn’t fit in the basinet. My feet hung over the end and made my ankles sore. So, my dad hung out at the grocery store until they threw away a box I could fit in. My dad glued the box to two saw horses, and that was it. I had grown so much by the time I was four, I started wearing adult clothing. I loved my blue suede shoes with gold buckles, and red sharkskin bell-bottoms. It couldn’t last forever. As I aged, my clothing became more age appropriate. Now, I have to wear long and tall pants and shirts. I have to go all the way to New York to find them.
I wanted to be a railroad engineer, but that wasn’t meant to be, even though I had had a summer internship with the Erie Lackawanna line. I sat on my seat with my arm hanging out the window as the wind blew through my hair. I loved blowing the horn as we’d pass kids pumping their arms up and down. But, given my height, I was being pressured to play basketball. The first time I picked up a basketball, I dropped it. I started wearing basketball clothes. I lived in Chicago now, so I wore Chicago Bulls garb. I looked the role, but I couldn’t play it.
There was a Bulls coach who I met on the Chicago L, he encouraged me to come to a practice, given my height. I told him I had no athletic ability. He said, “Let me be the judge of that.”
I showed up for practice. After about ten minutes he told me I was right—I had no athletic ability and to quit wasting his time. He gave me cab fare. I cried all the way home. I told my dad and he clenched his fists. My Dad was “Notorious Nick.” He is deceased now, but then he was a Capo commanding an extortion crew. Dad said, “Don’t worry son, I’ll take care of that slime.”
Two days later they found him hanging from a basketball basket with his pants pulled down, and “Slime” written on his forehead in red lipstick. He didn’t die, but he became nicer. My dad asked me: “You want to play basketball?” I said no, “I want to be a railroad engineer,” Two days later, I was a railroad engineer. I had a few mishaps, but I learned. The worst was the woman duct-taped to the tracks. I stopped before I squished her, but I found out it was a college fraternity prank. I told Dad and, in lieu of arresting them, he had them all drafted, assigned to the infantry, and sent to Vietnam. They’re all complained to their congressional representatives. They were all ignored.
So, guess what? I fell in love with the girl duct taped to the tracks and she fell in love with me. She was studying pipe fitting at BOCES. We have a two-year old daughter. We couldn’t decide whether to name her “Choo-Choo” or “Wah Wah” so we named her “Piper” or “Pipe” for short.
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)
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