Enigma


Enigma (e-nig’-ma): Obscuring one’s meaning by presenting it within a riddle or by means of metaphors that purposefully challenge the reader or hearer to understand.

I ask you my children: What does it take for a rich man to pass through the eye of a needle?

Alas, you are unable to answer.

So, I shall answer for thee: A meat grinder set on extra fine.

Now, let’s do a parable. There was once a fat wicked man with specially stiffened blond hair and a painted-on face-tan. He was a Twitter addict. He tweeted day and night. He Tweeted lies with misspellings. One day he tweeted a fact with no misspellings. Nobody believed him because he always lied and misspelled: they thought someone had stolen his phone.

He had fallen and could not get up. They found him dead the next morning. He had hit his head on his toilet and bled to death. A huge funeral was planned in accord with a fifty page instruction booklet found under his pillow. On the day of the funeral nobody attended the parade in his honor, not even his wives and children. He was dumped into a landfill outside of Baltimore and subsequently erased from history.

In the end we must say: Eagles don’t Tweet, shit birds do. He was a shit bird.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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