10 years from now:

I am appalled that the media would bring up my fifth wife’s allegation that I routinely beat our toy poodle Scruffy with a garden hose! Little Scruffy–poor little guy. He was my best . . . my. . . my best . . . friend. Peachy hated Scruffy almost as much as she hates me!

Scruffy’s gone forever but her lies live on!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

The most advantageous plan has six key ingredients: money, more money, lots more money, money, money, money. Get it? It’s going to take money–a whole lot of money to do it right.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

That candidate’s position on unemployment is like a parking lot out in the middle of the desert: empty and useless.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

That painting looks like a baloney sandwich that was run over by a truck.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

1. They’re going to keep telling you that my economic policies have failed. I’m going to keep telling you that they have failed to adopt my economic policies. How can something that’s never been tried fail?

2. What’s done is done. We are dead, but we will not be forgotten. Onward!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

I built my deck. I used my truck. I did the work. I saved some dough.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

I thought hard work, intelligence, and honesty counted the most around here! I work hard. I’m smart. I’m honest, and I’m still the lowest paid employee! I can’t stop being smart, but maybe if I stop working so hard and and cheat a little things will go better for me. Whoops–that’s not very smart. I think I’ll just quit and go to work where intelligence, hard work, and honesty are actually appreciated.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

1. There’s no doubt that we’re running out of time, but time is of the essence: we’ll be more likely to get a better deal if we don’t make any concessions until the last possible minute. I think we have at least another two weeks of no, no, no.

2. You want to go to France to visit your friends. Where’s the money coming from? Imagine this: you ask your parents for the money & they refuse to give you a dime: no trip to France. Or, imagine this: you get a part-time job, make some money, and ask your parents to pay for part of your trip: fun trip to France. Which will it be: No work, no France? Or,  part-time job, bon voyage?

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Catacosmesis (kat-a-kos-mees’-is): Ordering words from greatest to least in dignity, or in correct order of time.

Years of hard work, months of anguish, days and days and days filled with hope and fear and loss and gain, and today, we stand at the threshold of a promise fulfilled. Tomorrow, we go home.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Thaumasmus (thau-mas’-mus): To marvel at something rather than to state it in a matter of fact way.

Wow! That pile of dirty dishes has to be a world record!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).